Quarter Down

I’m turning 25 in a couple of days. I never dread birthdays, in fact, usually I embrace them. My best friends will be the first people to say how much I adore my birthday. Why wouldn’t a person? It’s a day to celebrate you! However, this birthday, for some reason, meant something bigger. 25 sounds like such a grown up age. I sat down for lunch today with my mentor and friend, Angela, and I was telling her about my fears about turning the big 2-5. She agreed that it was a big number. No more juvenile moves. It’s a legit number. I was beginning to feel a little anxious about it.

I think some of my friends just took it as nerves mixed with me being my usual melodramatic self (if I could only get on Broadway and work this out), but I really was starting to feel a little nervous about it all. I then did what all people in this day and age do when they’re curious about something…I wikipedia’ed it! In my results I found out that I did have the classic symptoms of a ‘quarter life crisis’. If you’re curious about the symptoms, you can search them, but they fit, not all…but a lot.

When I discussed this with my friend Caroline, she explained to me that to even have a quarter life crisis meant that I was somewhat established in my life. I have a status to question and reason to ponder. Not all “almost” 25 year olds have this. I am fortunate to have held a job for 3 years. That’s quite a miracle. It was during all this I had several moments of clarity. Turning 25 is such a beautiful thing, not something to be freaked out about.

Looking back a decade, I’ve graduated high school, college, celebrated being a teacher for 3 years. I’ve lived by myself, moved back to a city, I’ve made life-long friends. In the past several years I’ve made major milestones. Milestones I can be proud of. I think, though, that I always imagined something more. A little part of me imagined that I would have been in a relationship by now, I would be completely happy at where I am, but these things haven’t happened quite yet. However, these are all exciting things to look forward to. I’m still growing even though I’m officially a ‘grown up’. 10 years ago I knew I’d be a teacher, I’d be somewhere in life, and in those respects…I have been successful.

I guess that the big 2-5 isn’t anything too crazy. It’s a nice number. Quarter down, a couple more (I hope) to go. I look forward to the next 25. I hope to live even more and make more memories.

I leave you with a picture from long ago. I think this was my 2nd birthday. What would I tell this little girl? Never grow up? Nah, but I would tell her to enjoy every moment of growing. Take the time to grow and learn from everyone and everything around you. Take more pictures, opportunities to travel, and fall asleep in Nana’s lap a few more times. I would tell her to dream big and be happy. Just be happy.

My Brother's Keeper

When I was reading my devotional today, the scripture was Philippians 1:1-11. It states, "I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for you." When I pray every night, it's almost gotten into a chant-like prayer because I pray for some people in every single prayer. Of course, with every night there are new additions, but without hesitation, I always ask God to watch over my family and friends.

I'm writing all of this because this past week at school I've talked with teachers and witnessed some students that have really bad situations. Home life is rough, no support, living on their own, bad backgrounds, I'm sure you understand. I see this and have seen this since I began teaching. My county has some poor spots, economically, students come from a range of backgrounds. Some students have situations where they don't have anywhere to go.

As I was praying the other night I had a profound moment of blessing and felt humbled. How fortunate am I to have so many people to pray for? I don't know what it is to be turned away from a home. I don't know what it is to not have any friends. I wouldn't know what to do if I were in a situation like that. Even in my 'new home' in Rockingham County, I know that I have people to turn to. What would it be like to not have this?

I remember my mom becoming so attached to some of her students. Many of them didn't have a steady home. Some were in foster care or at a group home. I couldn't understand why she felt so devoted to these kids. She already had 2, why did she feel the need to take on more? But, I think she knew how important it was to show these students and kids what is was like to have a home. She always taught me that I was no better than anyone else on this Earth and I needed to take care of other people. I take that with me when I teach.

Therefore, my prayers have evolved. Though I feel so blessed to have people to pray for and know that there are people that pray for me, I open up my blessings and prayers to those who don't. My students that need a maternal figure. Even if it's just for 90 minutes. I try to emulate my mom and all that she has taught me about life. Take care of others. Be not only your sister's keeper (literally), but your brother's keeper. It isn't the easiest thing for us to do, but it's the best thing.

Paradise

I wish I was better at this blog thing. Honestly, I just don't think that my life is that interesting. I have moments where I think about things or have fun at events and think, 'Ah! I need to blog this!'...but, that's about as far as it goes. I teach...I sleep...and repeat, haha. There is a good...ahem...wonderful thing coming up, I'm going to my favorite place on earth.

Cape Hatteras entered my life at the young age of 3...maybe even before. There are pictures of a very cute little Coley sporting a bikini (prob for the first and last time in my life) on the steps in the sand with the famous lighthouse in the distance. According to my parents, they wanted to take a little vacation and that's where they ended up. Shortly after it became an annual vacation with family and friends. There are pictures of my cousin Leah and me playing in the sand and smiling with our buckets. One trip, my mom and aunt were pregnant with Megan and Katy (respectively) and somehow the truck got stuck while driving on the beach...Granny ended shoveling sand from the tires with Leah and my little kiddie shovels. I mean, that memory alone is priceless. There are so many more memories that take me back to that beautiful piece of heaven.

Cape Hatteras also holds a special place in my heart because it gave me peace when I needed it most. A couple months after my cousin Melissa died, my family took one of our last trips to Hatteras. It had been a rough couple of months for my family. Lots of changes, tears, and grief that I hadn't quite come to terms with. I was angry at God for letting this happen. I was angry at myself for not being able to deal with it. I had just finished my first year of college and it was one that was really rough. Basically...I was lost. The good news was that I had come home.

While spending our week at the beach, I snuck off for a walk. I took the walk in hopes that I could catch the sunset over the sound. Truly one of the most beautiful sights in the world. I made it to the sound just in time. I found a spot and just sat and watched it. The sky turned into an array of magical colors. Oranges, purples, pinks, and yellows swirled together to make a sky that only God could create. That's when it hit me. A God that can make such a beautiful sky, that could create babies, bless my life with wonderful family and friends has to know what He's doing. Even when I don't understand it (and rarely I do), He knows what He's doing it.

It would take another year or two to have complete peace with the situation, but that was the first huge step. I had felt peace and I savored it. Ever since, Cape Hatteras represents peace to me. I love it. It is a place where I can truly be myself and have complete harmony with the world.

Earlier this month my mom asked if I wanted to spend a few days on the coast over Spring Break. It was a complete spontaneous trip, and usually I don't like things like that, but when Hatteras is in the cards, I will always be up for it.

I hear the waves and seagulls calling...I can't wait.

This is a fitting date to publish this post. 6 years ago today (as I put this on here on 4-14-11), I lost my cousin, Melissa, to cancer. She was a beautiful person with a beautiful spirit. I remember her in the best way, in my mind I am a little girl in her wedding, and she is happy and smiling. I think that's how she would want it, so that is how I choose to remember her. Miss you Melissa.

Update on Life

Well I have really let the blog go! Besides uber random stories that happen every once and awhile, I never think about writing. …Or I do, but I think too much about it. I want it to be this elaborate post that encompasses everything in my life in beautiful words. Well precious…that just isn’t happenin’ at the moment!

Let’s just call a spade a spade and say I’ve been a slacker to the 10^th degree! So let me get you caught up! Last semester (cause my years go by school semesters…) was pretty hectic! Besides teaching a new grade level, 2 of my best friends got married!! I was pretty busy there for awhile.Case got married in October and Linds got married in December. Both of the weddings were beautiful and I am so thrilled that they have been able to start such an important part of their lives. I also feel blessed that they allowed me to be apart of it.

In the middle of showers, bachelorette parties, dress fittings, and lots of laughter, I also took on a new grade level. At this moment in time…I have taught all 4 grade levels of high school in 3 years! I’m glad to have them all under my belt, but it also caused a little bit of anxiety and frustration. I survived though and made it though. This semester I’m back to the basics and teaching my two loves: World Lit (English II) and American Lit (English III). Classes are either way talkative or not at all. Finding the balance and learning all my new kids is what is currently on the agenda.

I took some time to travel to see all my friends last semester. Trips to Raleigh, Greenville, Winston, and of course Morganton. While in Morganton in September, I got to visit with my cousin Katy and her daughter Stevie. They were home for a week visiting and I adored catching up and seeing them. Even better, now I have Skype and can video chat with them! Ahh technology :)

I’ll end with some pics and a hopeful wish that’ll I’ll keep more in touch with the blog world. I’m absolutely captivated by other people’s blogs and have a whole list! I need to stop reading and write some more...

For whatever reason, I already put my pics of Case's

wedding on a flashkey and took them off my computer :(

So until I get some (and I have about 400) pics, I'll leave you with

a pic from our GG shower! It was a wonderful day with

sweet friends and beautiful scenery :)

Beautiful Linds on her wedding day!

The Barrier Cousins enjoying a cookout for Stevie's 2nd birthday

Sweet Stevie :)

Coley's Adventures in Laundry

I thought I'd include this story.

I e-mailed my best friends this story on Friday morning...as in 12:30am. Anywho...here it goes:

This story starts about 2 hours ago and I'm not sure when it is going to end. A smart person would have started laundry earlier. A smarter person would not have watched The Vampire Diaries and Grey's Anatomy, but would have done laundry. Actually...a really smarter person would've taken their laundry somewhere else. Alas...I am not.

I decided at 10:15 to do laundry. When I went in there a weird couple was in there. The man looked high and the woman drunk. This was not going to be a good evening. There were only 2 washers working and my hope was slowly draining. I loaded the washers and decided to wait my 28 minutes in my apartment. I went back in 25 minutes and there was still 14 minutes on the washer...um...what? Then it went on "spin" cycle and it sounded like the lid was going to come off and my clothes were going to fly out.

I THOUGHT I had enough money. I thought...well, after 1.25 for 2 washes...I was down to 3.00. That was enough for 1 dry. Y'all...the last time I did laundry was before Case's wedding...I'm pretty sure they're working on their one month anniversary. So, I put them all in one and decided to go get some money. Well...easier said than freakin' done.

First thought: Go to the Harris Teeter and get money back. Get in my car. Go to the Teeter. The 24 hour Teeter. Get out of my car. They're closed for maintenance. Really. So then I go to the other Teeter. Get out...and haven't even thought about what to freakin' buy. So I get soup. Go check out. Cash back? Yes please. Put in the amnt. Woman says...no cash back after 10. WHAT THE HELL. So then I go to the Cash Points. At this point I've made a HUGE circle. I get out $20. I don't want to put that much in...so I go to Wendy's.

Finally get back to the laundry building. I can't get in. It's locked. I'm just over it. So I see if I can get around the pool to it. I have to walk past crazy lady and man. I still have NO idea what they're doing or why they're there. Get my laundry in the dryer. Separate the 1 big load to two small loads. I haven't gone back to see if I can get in. I'm honestly a little worried. Not sure what will happen from this point on.

I'll keep you posted.

Coley

PS...I'm asking for a washer and dryer for Christmas.

PPS...I think I'm calling in sick tomorrow.

PPPS...I'm sorry if you're still reading this.

College Flashback

It will be 7 years ago this August I entered college. Has it been that long? Really? I honestly try not to think about those first few months of college. I almost hate it when my students ask, "Did you like college?" Of course I eventually LOVED it. I would go back to my junior and senior year in an absolute heartbeat...but...those first couple of years...I wouldn't go back.

Change is a necessary evil or good depending on the circumstance. The change of college was in the evil category. It's strange, my entire senior year I prepared and got ready and was looking forward to that 'great move', but when it happened...it was like someone had punched me in the stomach and said, okay, get up, move on, go to it.

When I'm advising students on room mates and classes and what to do their freshman year, I always try to smile and give them my best advice, but secretly I'm praying that they don't have the year I did.

I can't blame it on UNCG. I can't even blame it all on my room mate (that was never there and eventually moved out). I know there was a lot going on with my family. My cousin was dying, my depression and anxiety were getting worse and worse. I felt like my life was slipping from me...and if you know me, you know I do NOT like feeling out of control. But, the worst thing was that I was simply homesick. I missed my mom with an ache that I can't explain. I'm not a momma's or daddy's girl, per say, but I do love them and I guess that without them there, I didn't know what home was. I didn't know how to create that for myself.

Every night I would call mom and sob, I mean y'all, sobbb. Ugly cry. Oprah is reuniting with a long lost hero cry. I know now that it probably was just as hard on her as it was me. How horrible to feel like you are helpless. She knew she couldn't let me come home, thank goodness she didn't. She did the biggest favor in not.

Eventually, with a lot of prayer, knowing my friends were there, knowing that even though home is and will always be Morganton, I learned that home is where you make it. Home is hearing your best friend's voice on the phone. Hearing a knock on your dorm room door and seeing your friends while they check in on you.

It was hard. Probably the hardest and worst year of my life. I don't like to think of the darkness I was in. I just know I eventually found the light. God has never given me a problem he didn't hold my hand through. The light on the other side is worth the fight. I grew stronger from the experience.

So now, when I advise my seniors, I tell them to have fun, MEET PEOPLE, call home, but don't be afriad to be scared and homesick. Just know it's inevitable, but also don't give up. Getting through college was one of the biggest accomplishments I've ever done. The other side is indeed brighter.

Teaching with Heart

I was able to spend a lot of time in one of my best friends, Casey’s, classroom this past week. It was a really enjoyable experience to spend time in a level of education that prepares my students for what I will eventually teach them. It made me realize what a strong foundation each child receives as they enter the elementary school world. I stayed and watched Case as she met all of her new students. They each shyly walked into their new ‘bigger’ classroom and quietly shook her hand. One could tell that they weren’t quite sure what to make of this new classroom, kind of nervous that they had to leave their kindergarten classrooms. Their moms and dads walked them around, getting to know the classroom, showing their children where everything was. It was really interesting to see. Casey was so wonderful with each of the kids. She extended her hand and shook each child’s tiny hand as they put it into hers. She greeted the parents with ease and no one could tell if she was nervous or not, she held her own! There was one little girl in particular that captivated my attention. She walked around the classroom with comfort, hugged Case as if she already knew she was going to be her favorite teacher, and had a sparkle in her eye that reminded me of my own when I was that age and entering my first grade classroom.

It feels as if I was born into a classroom. My mom has been a teacher for over 30 years, which is a feat that I am unable to comprehend at this point in my career. The halls of Glen Alpine Elementary were my home. I knew every nook and cranny. I was friends with all the secretaries. The principals and guidance counselors always made sure I felt welcome. Education has been a ‘home’ for me. I was that little girl that was in Casey’s classroom. I loved my teachers. I loved school. It was always a place of ease for me.

Teachers, even more than the school, are also some of the most important people that have passed through my life. They have had a crucial role in shaping the person that I am today. I still count several of my past teachers as my confidants, mentors, and role models today. I don’t think a teacher ever realizes the true impact that they have on their student’s life.

Does Mrs. Hairfield know that I still remember her puppy dog curtains and they way that she made me feel better after I got lost on my first day of kindergarten? That she was the one that taught me to love reading and taught me to share with others. Two of the most important things ever.

Does Mrs. Rhodes know that she is one of the reasons I became a teacher? I still remember her signing her letters with x’s and o’s and because of that I have always remembered her kindness? That I still sing “Up on the Housetop” at Christmas time because it reminds me of her?

Does Ms. Boughman know that I still remember writing a creative story and her reading it out loud to the class because she thought it was so good…and I have loved writing ever since?

Does Miss Ennis know that I still consider her one of my life role models? That because she was so kind and let me help her everyday after school, it made me really want to be a teacher myself? That I still remember her reading Dear Mr. Henshaw to us after lunch and helping her decorate for Christmas? That her smile and laugh and sweet nature is why I loved 4th grade?

Does Mrs. Lawson know that she made me realize teachers could teach us new things, but also have a divine sense of humor? That my favorite days in her class were the afternoons we would push all the desks to the side and sit in a big circle and sing silly songs??

Going into high school teachers…these 3 women have shaped me more than I could ever write on pages. And I kid you not…it almost brings tears to my eyes to think of all that they have done to impact my life. They are the reason I teach high school and they are the reason that I know I can care.

Does Mrs. Hasty know that I think of her every time a student comes to me with a problem and I feel I can honestly be there for them? That she taught me teaching is a job that you can really be there for your students and show them that you care. She made me feel so loved and appreciated. I might not remember every Spanish verb, but I remember that she made me laugh and that she made me feel that I was an important person.

Does Mrs. Vaughn realize that I still read the prayer she e-mailed me my first day of teaching? That I still think she is one of the smartest, wisest women I have ever met. That I feel so fortunate my teacher cadet class was taught by one of the best teachers in NC? Her love for her students, her wise words, and her genuine compassion for her career made the biggest impression on me.

And…Mrs. McKinney. My life mentor. The woman that pretty much got me where I am in teaching today. Does she know that I shape my lessons after her? I know I can be funny and serious all in one classroom? That her having us read The Awakening led to my true realization that I was meant to be an English teacher? That she still shapes my life and always will? She will still be the one I call on for advice and help with every possible education crisis in my life.

All these women hold a piece of my heart. All of these teachers shaped me. They helped me to become the teacher that I am when I walk into the classroom. They have helped me to realize that it’s not just about the curriculum. I learned so much from their classes. I learned to read, write, count, add, look, share, be a good person, and appreciate my surroundings. They are some of the best people I know.

Most of these women still teach. I feel a little jealous of their current students. They are some lucky individuals. My hope is that I am an iota of the teacher that they are. I still feel blessed by their role in my life and I hope they know it. Kudos to all of you amazing women…I owe you immensely. And kudos to the other teachers in my life. My best friends that teach. The women I work with at RCHS. I have learned so much from all of you as well. Everyone needs a teacher in their lives. I’m so glad I have so many!