Recently I went to the doctor to check up on some things. During the course of my visit, she asked me several questions about my life. I left the office with my head swimming with questions. It was a good thing. It made me really start to question a lot of things and re-evaluate myself.
My biggest goal this year (because goodness knows I have so many...) is getting to know myself better. So this post is about what I do know. What I have learned about myself over the past couple of months. Hopefully it'll make sense.
1. My family has an affinity for both love and encouragement. - My family has had its share of heartbreaks and loss and shocks and surprises. Each member has handled what life has thrown with such grace. I am lucky that all my immediate family lives within the same county. Anytime I go home, I am able to see each member. They welcome me with hugs and love and always encourages me to follow my dreams - as I try to do for each of them. With each surprise or struggle, we find our way. Every time I'm down, I can call my grandmother and she knows just what to say. My mom listens. My sister makes me laugh. My cousins make me smile. They're so amazing, all of them.
Sweet family
2. I, quite possibly, have the best friends in the world. My friend put on Pinterest a quote that said, "The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren't lovable." Though this could be said for my family as well, my poor friends have dealt with me during so many low points in my life. It's cliche to say, "I couldn't have gotten through that without you." But, it's true when I say that about them. My friends have seen me cry, listened to me, inspired me, and helped me up when I've fallen down. They have seen me when I haven't been all that lovable, but they loved me with an insistence that I am so grateful for. I hope that I'm half the friend to them that they are to me.
My vast array of amazing friends...
My GG's...sweet best friends
3. My job is frustrating, complicated, and one of the things I love most in life. I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about quitting my job once...or fifteen times. I have been so frustrated by education in the past couple years. I've fought the idea that this might be what I'm suppose to do. I don't know that I'll stay in the classroom forever, but I do know this is where I feel called. I don't think I'm the best teacher, but I do know I try, and I change when I need to, and I am constantly trying to improve. I am thankful that my county has allowed me to have new leadership roles and new classes that lets me spread my wings a bit, and it lets me try new things. I don't know what path my career will take, I don't know that I'll stay in Rockingham County or even North Carolina for that matter! I don't know if I'll stay in the classroom, but I know my heart is in education, and I think it's there to stay.
4. I am my own worst critic. I think this is what I struggle with the most. I never think what I'm doing is good enough. Granted, most people probably have a little of this in some way, shape, or form. Doubt creeps into our lives and likes to hang out and make a little burrow. Doubt likes to burrow for awhile and pop out anytime I'm doing something I'm not sure of. I'm working on this, having a little bit more faith in myself. A work in progress.
5. I am constantly working on having faith and a better relationship with God. I struggle to write this. A confession that, in some ways, really hurts to say aloud. I have always been upfront with my relationship with God. I believe that God is a mighty God. A powerful, loving, healing, and wonderful being. I have been healed, and I have been hurt by God. Frustrated and angry. However, I never stop loving God. I have never once doubted His grandness in my life. He is the source of all of my many blessings. But, I would be lying if I said I haven't been angry or confused by His plan. I am a type-A kind of gal, and when things don't work out as I think they should, I get upset. I am building more faith in God's perfect timing. I think any good relationship takes work, and why shouldn't that include God?
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