Rush

Sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks.  You haven't thought about it in awhile, and yet it still looms in the distance waiting to sneak up on you.  I try not to think about it...classifying "it" as a dark period in my life.  I try not to think about the person.  Taken away so quickly.  But then, the rush of feelings comes back.

Facebook is suppose to be a place of connection and remembering, and while it does do this, it can also proffer sad feelings and things you try not to think about.

The picture came up without warning.  A few snapshots of her face, smiling with friends, carefree and happy.  In a blur of the scrolling news feed, it would have been easy to bypass.  However, it was inevitable to see her and to click on the album.

Suddenly it all came back.  The memories flooding like a dam that had been pent up for too long.  It's funny how you almost forget.  How you almost forget the conversations, laughter, memories, and times gone by.  I so easily forget the pain brought on by her passing.  I forget the anger I felt, the resentment, and the feeling of such immense loss.

It's easy to bury it.  To forget all about it.  Keep busy and think of anything else.  It comes back though.  Lurking down and popping up and saying, "I was never gone."  Longing and loneliness is like that.

Scrolling through her face, I remembered that it had been over 8 years.  Years that have changed my family and the dynamic of everything within it.  Holidays are different.  Picture frames with smiling faces bring out sadness.  Such a difference a life makes.

Cancer took her away, and somehow social media, memories, and pictures keep bringing her back.  I will embrace the flood and try to learn how to navigate the waters of loss.  After 8 years, how can it still bring such sadness?