What does this mean? I've devoted 360 days to students (minus sick/"sick" days). I have taught some 240+ students. I have cried over them. I have laughed with them. I have wanted to pull my hair out over them. And yet...tonight at the senior awards night, all I wanted to do was go hug all of them and thank them for making me who I am. A stronger person. A smarter person. A more compassionate person. They will never realize the impact that they have had on my life. I wonder if I've done the same with theirs.
You might be wondering...jeez Coley, why so emotional with this set of kids? I wondered myself why I got so weepy when I saw them walking down the aisle. Mainly it's because these were the students that were sitting in my desks the first time I walked into my classroom as a 'real' teacher. Though the students I student taught will forever hold a dear place in my heart, these kids were my first REAL students. The ones that I was responsible for by myself. While I was student teaching, I could always tell myself, well, if I mess up too bad, Mrs. Julian (my mentor) can help and swoop in. These students were MINE!
I learned a lot about myself through these kids. I thought I knew what kind of teacher I was going to be, but when I got into that first class so many, many months ago, it wasn't anything like I thought it was going to be. We learned together. I hope that I passed it off as me knowing what I was doing, but honestly, some days it was all trial and error.
When I saw these students walking down, I couldn't help but be taken back to those first few weeks. Everything was new. They were sweet enough to not point out my mistakes (too often). They were kind enough to go along with lesson plans that didn't quite work out. Don't get me wrong, there were also a few of them that made me question my whole teaching career. However, I tried to always look at the students that wanted to learn. That wanted me to teach them. Those were the ones I stayed up late making plans, grading papers, and trying to make class interesting for.
I doubt they'll know they'll know how much they mean to me. How they have helped me to become not only a stronger teacher, but also a stronger person. They'll never know how much they have helped me to grow. They'll never know.
I know what it means to have a high school teacher that sticks with you. Someone that leaves that 'lasting' impression. I was very fortunate in having several. I hope that I have done something in my classroom that has left an impression on them.
And so I say goodbye to the class of 2010. With their graduation, I also congratulate those around me for helping me get through these past 2 years. Had it not been for Angela, Carolyn, and Heather in my dept, I doubt I would've made it. Had it not been for my GG's and their encouraging calls and e-mails, I wouldn't have made it. Had it not been for Kim taking me out for the occasional dinner and chat, I would not have made it. Had it not been for my mom for saying, "teaching is in your blood, you can do this", I wouldn't have made it.
So with this post, I thank all these people. I thank my students that are walking across the stage tomorrow morning. I wish you all the best. I know that you will all do great things. Thank you for teaching the teacher a thing or two...or several hundred :)
