Reflections on Two Weeks

I'm sitting here in my classroom...exhausted...and thought I would write while I'm in the "zone".

The past two weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster.  I've cried, laughed, yelled, questioned my sanity, and have felt tested in new ways.  I knew going into this new job that there would be aspects that would be hard.  I knew I would miss Rockingham.  I knew I would miss my kids at Rockingham.  I don't think I realized how much I would miss both of them.  It's hard being "the new kid".  You have no "cred" and you have to reestablish yourself in lots of ways.  Not that I'm not up for the challenge, but whew, it's been a lot harder than I expected.

There's always a but...

But, I have learned SO much.  One of the main reasons I decided to leave and start fresh was that I felt I had grown as much as I could at Rockingham.  I'm so thankful for those years, and I wouldn't take them back for the world, but I had reached a point where I knew it was time to challenge myself again.

Today, finally, after about 10 days, I really felt like I connected with my students.  They are loud and they are needy and they are frustrating, but man, I think I love them.  Letting myself get over Rockingham and open myself up to new experiences has been the most rewarding thing about this.  I've met so many wonderful new people.  I'm teaching with two of my best friends.  I'm learning so much about teaching, lesson planning, and myself.

Growing and learning...every.single.day...

**Note: Just found this in my draft list and decided to go ahead and post it...it's a little bit encouraging after writing my latest post.**

Current Life...A Pros and Cons Edition

*tap* *tap* Is this thing on?

It's been awhile since I posted and wrote an update on my blog.  I've been trying to stay afloat with life changes and new jobs and general life stuff.  Here are some pros and cons of life right now.

PROS:

• I am really loving Winston Salem.  I like living in a place that definitely has the city feel, but then also has a small town atmosphere as well.  It's nice to be so close to shops, food, and most importantly, friends!
• Living with one of my best friends = pretty sweet deal.  It's nice to come home and vent to Caro about life...she's heard it all before, but she still listens.  We have an old lady routine down pat.  Local news, national news, E! news...and then I go to bed.  Yes, I have become 70.
• Working with two of my besties is amazing, too!  I just left Em's room where I vented about something that happened today.  Monday morning, Carrie popped by just to say hey.  It's so nice having them here for support and to answer all my questions!
• My boys are growing up on me...is this a pro or con?  They're so amazing, I'm making them a pro.  Thad is hilarious and goofy and such a ham.  It's been hard not living close to them anymore, but each time I do see him (and his parents), it's fantastic.  Brooks is so much fun!  He says animal sounds and has the sweetest grin you've ever seen.  I got to visit with him (and his parents) this past weekend, and I enjoyed every minute!  Wyatt started walking!!  I keep on telling him to slow down with the growing thing, but he's turned a deaf ear to me.  In all seriousness, he's precious and I adore facetiming and seeing him (and his parents).

CONS:

*This is the womp womp portion of this blog...so feel free to just end with the good if you don't want to hear my whining!*

• So...the new job is hard.  I am a perfectionist by nature, so coming into a new setting with new people, new expectations, etc and not being 100% perfect from the get go is hard!  I also didn't realize how much I would miss Rockingham.  I know it's probably because it was what was so familiar, but it's hard to let that go.  I don't have an established presence at my new school, which is also oddly frustrating.  I didn't realize how much I had grown used to that at my old school.  Learning a lot...but, also trying not to sink.  It's a juggling act.
• I don't know if teaching is what I'm meant to do with my life.  Yikes.  Yea, I put it out there.  I have recently been saying this out loud a lot more than I ever used to before.  It's just so hard.  I know that ANY job is going to be hard, but I just feel like I should love it more.   Did I ever love it?  I don't know.  I love my students.  I love reading.  I love the idea of education and changing the lives of students...but I don't even know if that's happening anymore.  I just feel very stuck.  I thought that moving schools would be the answer.  I knew that if I moved schools and I was still unsure of my profession, it might be time to look for something else.  BUT, I have ABSOLUTELY no clue what else I would ever do.  And I have to, at this point in my life, be realistic.  I need a job that has benefits.  I need a job with security.  I need a job that will adequately pay my bills.  I just don't know what that might be.  
• Depression and anxiety have still been lurking around my heart and mind.  They don't like to give up their post.
• My "healthy lifestyle" has not been so great lately.  I blame all the change, but honestly, I just don't want to have to think about one more thing.  Which is easier?  Making dinner and thinking about calories OR popping by Chick fil a?  I know which one is the BETTER choice, but alas, that choice hasn't been the one I've been picking lately.

All of this to say...there's good and there's bad.  I think that's just life.  I have a lot on my heart right now, so if you're of the praying persuasion, send one up for me.  Thankful for my bounty of blessings and all the family and friends that make my life rich.