Sunday, August 29, 2010

College Flashback

It will be 7 years ago this August I entered college. Has it been that long? Really? I honestly try not to think about those first few months of college. I almost hate it when my students ask, "Did you like college?" Of course I eventually LOVED it. I would go back to my junior and senior year in an absolute heartbeat...but...those first couple of years...I wouldn't go back.

Change is a necessary evil or good depending on the circumstance. The change of college was in the evil category. It's strange, my entire senior year I prepared and got ready and was looking forward to that 'great move', but when it happened...it was like someone had punched me in the stomach and said, okay, get up, move on, go to it.

When I'm advising students on room mates and classes and what to do their freshman year, I always try to smile and give them my best advice, but secretly I'm praying that they don't have the year I did.

I can't blame it on UNCG. I can't even blame it all on my room mate (that was never there and eventually moved out). I know there was a lot going on with my family. My cousin was dying, my depression and anxiety were getting worse and worse. I felt like my life was slipping from me...and if you know me, you know I do NOT like feeling out of control. But, the worst thing was that I was simply homesick. I missed my mom with an ache that I can't explain. I'm not a momma's or daddy's girl, per say, but I do love them and I guess that without them there, I didn't know what home was. I didn't know how to create that for myself.

Every night I would call mom and sob, I mean y'all, sobbb. Ugly cry. Oprah is reuniting with a long lost hero cry. I know now that it probably was just as hard on her as it was me. How horrible to feel like you are helpless. She knew she couldn't let me come home, thank goodness she didn't. She did the biggest favor in not.

Eventually, with a lot of prayer, knowing my friends were there, knowing that even though home is and will always be Morganton, I learned that home is where you make it. Home is hearing your best friend's voice on the phone. Hearing a knock on your dorm room door and seeing your friends while they check in on you.

It was hard. Probably the hardest and worst year of my life. I don't like to think of the darkness I was in. I just know I eventually found the light. God has never given me a problem he didn't hold my hand through. The light on the other side is worth the fight. I grew stronger from the experience.

So now, when I advise my seniors, I tell them to have fun, MEET PEOPLE, call home, but don't be afriad to be scared and homesick. Just know it's inevitable, but also don't give up. Getting through college was one of the biggest accomplishments I've ever done. The other side is indeed brighter.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Teaching with Heart

I was able to spend a lot of time in one of my best friends, Casey’s, classroom this past week. It was a really enjoyable experience to spend time in a level of education that prepares my students for what I will eventually teach them. It made me realize what a strong foundation each child receives as they enter the elementary school world. I stayed and watched Case as she met all of her new students. They each shyly walked into their new ‘bigger’ classroom and quietly shook her hand. One could tell that they weren’t quite sure what to make of this new classroom, kind of nervous that they had to leave their kindergarten classrooms. Their moms and dads walked them around, getting to know the classroom, showing their children where everything was. It was really interesting to see. Casey was so wonderful with each of the kids. She extended her hand and shook each child’s tiny hand as they put it into hers. She greeted the parents with ease and no one could tell if she was nervous or not, she held her own! There was one little girl in particular that captivated my attention. She walked around the classroom with comfort, hugged Case as if she already knew she was going to be her favorite teacher, and had a sparkle in her eye that reminded me of my own when I was that age and entering my first grade classroom.

It feels as if I was born into a classroom. My mom has been a teacher for over 30 years, which is a feat that I am unable to comprehend at this point in my career. The halls of Glen Alpine Elementary were my home. I knew every nook and cranny. I was friends with all the secretaries. The principals and guidance counselors always made sure I felt welcome. Education has been a ‘home’ for me. I was that little girl that was in Casey’s classroom. I loved my teachers. I loved school. It was always a place of ease for me.

Teachers, even more than the school, are also some of the most important people that have passed through my life. They have had a crucial role in shaping the person that I am today. I still count several of my past teachers as my confidants, mentors, and role models today. I don’t think a teacher ever realizes the true impact that they have on their student’s life.

Does Mrs. Hairfield know that I still remember her puppy dog curtains and they way that she made me feel better after I got lost on my first day of kindergarten? That she was the one that taught me to love reading and taught me to share with others. Two of the most important things ever.

Does Mrs. Rhodes know that she is one of the reasons I became a teacher? I still remember her signing her letters with x’s and o’s and because of that I have always remembered her kindness? That I still sing “Up on the Housetop” at Christmas time because it reminds me of her?

Does Ms. Boughman know that I still remember writing a creative story and her reading it out loud to the class because she thought it was so good…and I have loved writing ever since?

Does Miss Ennis know that I still consider her one of my life role models? That because she was so kind and let me help her everyday after school, it made me really want to be a teacher myself? That I still remember her reading Dear Mr. Henshaw to us after lunch and helping her decorate for Christmas? That her smile and laugh and sweet nature is why I loved 4th grade?

Does Mrs. Lawson know that she made me realize teachers could teach us new things, but also have a divine sense of humor? That my favorite days in her class were the afternoons we would push all the desks to the side and sit in a big circle and sing silly songs??

Going into high school teachers…these 3 women have shaped me more than I could ever write on pages. And I kid you not…it almost brings tears to my eyes to think of all that they have done to impact my life. They are the reason I teach high school and they are the reason that I know I can care.

Does Mrs. Hasty know that I think of her every time a student comes to me with a problem and I feel I can honestly be there for them? That she taught me teaching is a job that you can really be there for your students and show them that you care. She made me feel so loved and appreciated. I might not remember every Spanish verb, but I remember that she made me laugh and that she made me feel that I was an important person.

Does Mrs. Vaughn realize that I still read the prayer she e-mailed me my first day of teaching? That I still think she is one of the smartest, wisest women I have ever met. That I feel so fortunate my teacher cadet class was taught by one of the best teachers in NC? Her love for her students, her wise words, and her genuine compassion for her career made the biggest impression on me.

And…Mrs. McKinney. My life mentor. The woman that pretty much got me where I am in teaching today. Does she know that I shape my lessons after her? I know I can be funny and serious all in one classroom? That her having us read The Awakening led to my true realization that I was meant to be an English teacher? That she still shapes my life and always will? She will still be the one I call on for advice and help with every possible education crisis in my life.

All these women hold a piece of my heart. All of these teachers shaped me. They helped me to become the teacher that I am when I walk into the classroom. They have helped me to realize that it’s not just about the curriculum. I learned so much from their classes. I learned to read, write, count, add, look, share, be a good person, and appreciate my surroundings. They are some of the best people I know.

Most of these women still teach. I feel a little jealous of their current students. They are some lucky individuals. My hope is that I am an iota of the teacher that they are. I still feel blessed by their role in my life and I hope they know it. Kudos to all of you amazing women…I owe you immensely. And kudos to the other teachers in my life. My best friends that teach. The women I work with at RCHS. I have learned so much from all of you as well. Everyone needs a teacher in their lives. I’m so glad I have so many!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Saying Goodbye to Summertime

Summers seem to go by more quickly each year. Someone once told me that the older you get, the more this happens. Years seem to fly by, days seem to pass quicker and quicker, and before you know it…your life has passed by a little sooner than you anticipated. I believe this more than ever now.

I love summers. I love waking up into my own routine…and that being not having one. For 190 days (workdays included) I am in my professional world. I wake up with the sun, get to school, teach to the best of my ability, grade papers, plan, come home, think about what lessons tomorrow will bring, catch a couple winks, and begin my schedule all over again. Please don’t get me wrong…I enjoy this routine. I am a creature of habit. Not a creature that is consistent…but I like my school schedule. However…I do enjoy a break from the everyday and for 2 months (exactly) I get just that.

This summer has been really nice…really busy…and really fun. I have had my breath taken away in California. Been kissed by the sun at the beach in SC. I have laughed with my best friends. I have taken almost 800 pictures. I have gotten to help one of my best friends with her wedding. I have been able to meet with mentors and talk about life with them. I have gotten to take a break from my regularly scheduled life. And…I have loved it.

Everyone needs this. Everyone needs to be able to take a break from their usual life. I am very blessed that my career allows me to do this. I love my job for what it brings to my life. I love that I get to serve through my career, but I’m not going to lie. The perk of having a summer makes it just a little bit better.

I know that getting back into the routine of waking up is going to be hard. I expect this, but am also ready for it. I’m ready to get back into the grind of the everyday life. I look forward to meeting new students and I hope that the “third year is the charm”! I am anxious to get back into my classroom where learning is (hopefully) exhibited everyday.

This year comes with a lot of goals and hopes. I feel, and have told many people, that this might be a defining year. I will teach the last possible ‘new’ thing in NC. By the end of this school year I will have taught all four high school level courses. English I, II, III, and IV. I welcome the journey I am about to begin. My GOAL is to become a better teacher; my HOPE is that it actually happens.

I will miss the summer though. Who doesn’t? I will miss waking up in Morganton with my parents close by. I will miss the phone call that says, ‘I’m in town, lets meet for lunch!’ There is a bit of dread knowing my alarm clock will be chiming at 6 instead of…not chiming at all! However…it just makes me anticipate the fun that will accompany my next summer.

So…welcome back school life! I’ve missed you…kind of… And summer…thanks for everything :)

The House

Every time I walk to my bedroom, I look in the room that used to be my grandmother's bedroom.  I look for her bed and her laying in it ...