Looking Back...Reflection #1

*I wrote this last Wednesday - 5/15/13 - so excuse the references to last week!!**

I'm quickly approaching the end of my FIFTH year of teacher.  Jeez 'o pete, where did the time go?  Today, I decided to reminisce and look through old blog posts from my first year of teaching.  They had quite the theme of "what the hell am I doing"?

I remember so vividly living at that small apartment in Eden and EVERY SINGLE NIGHT going to bed with fears and worries.  I didn't think I'd ever get over feeling like I was failing and not doing this "thing" right.  I graded all weekend, had a nervous stomach every morning, and wanted to cry almost every day.  But, a magical thing happened towards the end...I got the swing of it.  One of the best things about teaching, I think, is the incredible ability to grow.

I was reminded of this when I had a mini-meltdown the other morning (1 of 2 this week) and called my friend, Emily.  She's my English Teacher Twin Soul - plus one of my best friends.  I frantically told her that I didn't know how I was going to do all of this.  How was I going to get these kids really ready for the EOC, how am I really going to teach (and subsequently do a decent job) AP, so on and so forth.  There were other things in the list, but you get the picture.

She quickly and calmly told me to take a deep breath and proceeded to go through the list, one by one, and basically got me together.  I teared a bit, but she reminded me of the big picture.  She said, "Think about where you are and how much you've grown."  I was catapulted into realizing the truth.  I have made it through 5 years.  I am still standing.  I do have a small accumulation of "victories".

Holding on to victories, the small and big ones, are what we have to do to get through. Teaching is always going to have the hard days, but if you can look back and feel like you've had those victories, somewhere, somehow, life gets easier. The teaching one at least!

Reflection...#2

There's a part one to this - I just haven't finished it.  Odd to finish part two before part one?  Yes, but that's the way my mind works...so bear with me.  I wrote this earlier today while I was finishing up at school.

I was standing at my podium, watching my students furrow their brows and intensively take the EOC, when it dawned on me...holy crap...I like what I do.

I think it has taken five years, a lot of tears, many frustrated conversations with friends and colleagues, and a whole lot of anxiety, to finally get to "this" place.

I remember walking into school with a veteran teacher several years ago and she smiled at my doubt and said, "Wait 'til year five - I promise you'll love it."  I nodded my 'yea right' nod and walked on my way into what I looked at then as my doomsday.  I couldn't have foreshadowed then or even at the beginning of this year that she could have been right.

The other "ah-ha" moment happened the other night at dinner.  A few of my friends met me to celebrate me one foot closer to the grave.  I invited my former student teacher/current good friend, Lexie.  She's made it through her first year and all my friends (who happen to be mostly teachers) raised their glasses in congratulations.  Lexie asked if it gets easier, and we all smiled and said yes, yes - maybe not easier, but so much better.

I know that I am a different teacher than I was five years ago.  I'm more confident, have more resources, and am less afraid of failure.  Now, this isn't to say that I don't have my doubts, freak outs, or "what the hell" moments, but they're different.

I credit this to so many people, opportunities, and events.  My group of friends have been there since school day numero uno.  It helps that we're all in an educational settings - whether it be in school or teaching school.  We've e-mailed for the past five years with prayer requests, good news, funny stories, help me's, and just general "YOU GOT THIS".  The blanket of encompassing love, support, and faith they've given me will never be able to be repaid.  I'm simply one of the lucky few who can say, "I have the most INCREDIBLE group of friends!" and mean it with every ounce of my heart.

My family is a beacon of light in my darkest moments - and trust me when I say there have been some pitch black days.  I've called my mom with tears running down my face, texted my sister with ridiculous worries, fretted over anxiety with my cousin, and held my Granny's hand when I just wanted to give up. Their's is a constant love.  A warm light at the end of so many cold days.

At this point...this is beginning to sound like an acceptance speech - my apologies...

I have to give my loving thanks to my Rockingham friends.  Moving to a new place is BEYOND scary, but my friends have made my past five years wonderful.  I hate meeting new people, I hate change, but moving here has helped me to get over those fears.  For that, itself, I'm beyond thankful.  My administration and county leaders have allowed me to grow professionally through leadership positions and professional developments.  That has helped my confidence to grow.  It takes a village, right?!

This isn't an easy job. I stay mad a lot of days.  The politics, red tape, 'senate proposals', tests, and all that hooplah make me want to hide in a cave.  However, I look out into my classroom and see my kids.  I listen to my friend who says to remember that it's more than teaching.  It's believing in the kids, teaching them more than the books - teaching them life lessons.  Love one another.  You are exceptionally wonderful.  You can do anything you put your mind to.  You have a voice.  These are the big lessons.  I can teach literary elements, grammar, and vocab 'til I'm blue in the face, but I want my students to leave with more than that.  I want them to know that while they were in my classroom, they were loved, accepted, and taught respect.

It's been a long five years...twenty more.  But I'm realizing that there's nothing else I want to do.  So...BRING. IT. ON.

Week in Pics - 5/13 - 5/19

I'm a day behind!  I had a nice weekend with doing a little early bday celebrating.  I've been (as my previous post suggested) a little "blah" about turning 27, but my friends always help to make it special.

The school year is winding down.  We've started the dreaded testing week and that means long mornings of standing and walking up and down my aisles making sure my students are equipped with sharpened pencils and not doing anything crazy.  It's a frustrating time to be a teacher with all the testing pressure and so on and so forth.  However, I just try to focus on the good, my students, and the blessings in life.

Here's the week through the lens of my phone!

Counting down the days!!

Ohhhh....student art.  Always makes me giggle.

A little cherry yum yum!!

I was so excited that Wendy's offered Frosty's in a cone...until I broke the cone and it got all over me.  For anyone that knows me well, this probably does not shock them in the least.

Birthday celebrations with friends

Visited two of my favorite places!

I love Maxie B's so much that I went again the next day!

Mmmm...nothing like a yummy frapp and a good convo with a best friend!!

This is an exciting week - it's my birthday, I'm going to the beach, and Case is coming back from Mexico!  I am in a constant state of worry whenever I have a best friend in another country.  Caro is going to the UK next month, and Carrie & Em are going to Hawaii, Fiji, and Australia in July...I'm going to be a nervous wreck all summer!

Happy Monday, y'all!! 

Growing Up...and Learning to Deal

"At that age where she's figured out that living pretty much happens no matter what you're doing, so it might as well be fun." - StoryPeople

For the past few weeks...okay month...I've been grumbling about turning the big 2-7.  Now, when I tell this to people over 27 they immediately say, "Oh stop!  That's so young!  Wait 'til you're my age!"  I know it's not that old, but it's still really, really close to 30.

I can't help but see the irony in this whole growing up thing.  A child spends his or her whole young life waiting to do this or that.  Itching to become just a little bit older so they can reach this or that specific realm of freedom.  Then before that little child realizes it - THEY'RE TURNING 27!  What.  The.  Crap.

I have a bounty of blessing.  I'm so blessed with incredibly wonderful people in my life.  And, for the most part, I like where I am in life.  But...(and isn't there always a but?) there are so many things left to accomplish in my life.

I want to get married.
I want to have children.
I want to travel more.
I want to love more.
I want to learn to have less anxiety.
I want to be a better person.

I suppose the lovely thing about life is that there's still more of it.  Now, of course you should carpe diem and all that jazz, but still, I think we get so wrapped up in all the things we "haven't done" and stop to think about the things we "have" done.  (NOTE TO SELF: LISTEN TO SELF)

I am happy with the things I've done.  In 27 years, I've:

Traveled across the country to Cali.  Dipped my toes in the Pacific ocean. Drank a margarita on the shores of Mexico beside my best friend.  Climbed rocks in Joshua Tree. Walked on the Golden Gate Bridge.  Rode across the Atlantic and viewed the majesty of Spain.  Watched foreign religious parades with eyes agape in wonder.Walked through ancient castles.  Stood beside my best friends as they marry the loves of their lives.  Taught amazing kids.  Obtained a college degree.  Heard incredible singers perform.  Made cakes with my grandmother.  Held amazing, tiny babies - truly one of God's most precious miracles.  Stood amazed at the vast sea.  Laughed with best friends.  Been tucked in by an amazing mom.  Learned lessons.

So much more.  That's a lot of dang carpe diem.  So, I shouldn't be sad about 27.  No, I haven't accomplished as much as I want to, but the beauty of life is that there's still time.

Week in Pics - 5/6-5/12

Finally!  Some pretty May weather!  I'm having a lovely weekend with my Momma and enjoying the beautiful weather.  As the school year winds down, I'm trying to finish up grading, testing, and planning.  Lots still to do in the month of May, but lots of fun things to look forward to as well.

Loving this new book I'm reading, Carry On, Warriors - this verse is amazing.

The sun finally came out!!

My mom sent me beautiful flowers for Teacher Appreciation Week

Grading, grading

Lexie and I went to see "The Great Gatsby" - awesome movie!!

Love.

Mother's Day Love

I'm always happy for this day because I have been fortunate to not have just one awesome mother, but many "second" momma's to help me out and give me inspiration too.  This day was even better because Mom is here visiting me for the weekend, and we also got to visit my sister (who is a soon-to-be momma!!).

Moms are women who don't always get the attention and respect they deserve.  They go out of their way to provide, protect, and help us out when we lose our way.  My mom has brushed my hair, wiped my tears, heard me yell out of pure frustration, and given me support along the way.  She's a wonderful inspiration, and I hope that I get to be an awesome mother just like her one day.

I also have to thank my grandmother, aunts, and the other women who have shaped my life.  I've been blessed with a multitude of women who have also given me their love and support.  So, today, I salute you.

I found this song a couple weeks ago and immediately fell in love with the words.  It is a beautiful tribute to all the amazing mommas out there.  Here's to your day!

She's the sky that holds the clouds
She's the lady of the house
A blind believer in all I dare to be
There's no safer place I've found
Than the should of her white night gown
Oh I've got the best and the worst of her in me
I'd share her if I could

Oh the wars would all be over
'Cause she'd raise us all as friends
And no one would ever wonder if somebody wanted them
We'd walk on grass that's greener
And our cares would all be freer
If the world had a mother like mine
~The Band Perry, "Mother Like Mine"

A few of my inspirations:

Mom and Me

Carolyn and Me

Granny - such an inspiration and beauty!

Mrs. McKinney

Tammy

Ending with a blast from the past - my mom and me way back when!

Favorite

This is my favorite quote...ever. 

So much so, that it's my blog's namesake :)

Gilda Radner - I do adore this woman!

Hug a Teacher

I've been partial to teachers ever since I can remember.  My mom is a teacher.  My cousin was a teacher.  I'm a teacher.  Four of my best friends are teachers.  I do adore these crazy people.

This isn't an easy job.  I speak from the battlefield itself.  We get bombed with unexpected little surprises every day.  Hey, more tests!  Guess what, same pay!  What up, I'm going to need you to get this student with little to no motivation to pass this huge test so he can be successful in life!!  BAM!!

But, the good outweighs the bad.  This comes from my experience in the classroom, too.  I have built incredible relationships with students.  The most rewarding thing is to see a student years after teaching them and hearing their success.  One of my students posted this on my friend Heather's Facebook wall:

"Hey Mrs. Gladd!  Today is national Teacher Appreciation day and I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate how much you and Ms. Barrier invested in me personally and influenced me not only to just do well but exceed expectations.  I'm officially a senior...double majoring in Public Relations and English and I know my love for English and writing didn't just come out of nowhere!  Anyways thank you two so much for everything!"

I mean...melt. my. heart.  THAT is why I do this.  THAT is why I trudge in the classroom to "test" and "get results" and "common core" this and "state assessment" that.  I teach because I might, just might be able to make a difference in a child's life.  That makes the war field worth it.

A few years ago, I wrote a post explaining how affected I'd been by my former teachers.  I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for teachers believing in me.  I could list all the teacher I've ever had.  That's how much they mean to me. To name a few:

Mrs. Hairfield taught me to read.
Mrs. Rhodes continued that love of learning.
Mrs. Boughman encouraged me to write.
Miss Ennis was the one who showed me that I might want to teach one day.
Mrs. Lawson taught me that school is also really fun.
Mrs. Evans encouraged me to keep on trying.
Mrs. Hasty taught me to care about others.
Mrs. Vaughn taught me how to be a strong, influential role model in the classroom.
Mrs. McKinney is my life mentor who continues to inspire me through her ways everyday.

Carolyn - taught me to be a patient teacher and to teach with heart.
Angela - taught me to take a deep breath and to know that there's so much you can do within a classroom.
Heather - taught me to be a teacher that truly cares.

I wouldn't be anywhere without my first teacher.  Mom.  My mom has been a teacher for 33 years.  She's finally retiring this year.  What a loss to the education world!  She was the one who read to me every night.  She ignited that fiery passion to love reading.  She taught me to love others and treat everyone with respect.  She's my #1 teacher and mom.

So, to everyone of you teachers out there - YOU ROCK.  I know the amazing things you do!  I know how tired you are at the end of the day.  I know that sometimes this job sucks, but it's completely worth it when you see the fire of understanding and learning within a student's eyes.

Go hug a teacher.  They probably need it :)

Here are just a few of my favorite teachers...there are so many more!!

My two favorite HS English teachers, Mrs. Vaughn and Mrs. McKinney

My friend and school mentor, Angela

This is the student who wrote that sweet note!  He's a senior in COLLEGE now!! That's Heather on the other side - she was (and still is) one of my teaching inspirations!

My fave RCHS peeps!

Carolyn, my second mom, confidante, friend, and mentor.

Week in Pics - 4/30 - 5/5

May!  You're here!  I love you!  I'D LOVE YOU MORE IF YOU WOULD GET WARM!

I think I say this every time I do "pics of the week", but dang this year is flying by!  This is a CRAZY time of year to be in education.  Tests, graduation, prom, picnics, awards, and lions and tigers and prob some bears.  I love the small doses of 'peace' I get when I lay down in bed, when I read my books, when I think of my sweet family and friends.  I've noticed that's what my photos usually consist of.  So, without further ado...my phone dump of the week:

Weekly dinners with Lexie make me smile!  It's an incredible thing to have someone that you can just "unload" all your school crap to.  I'm fortunate that Lexie was brought into my life as my student teacher last year, because now I have a dear friend that I get to have weekly daily therapy sessions with!!

Can we just take a minute to realize HOW AMAZING THIS IS?!  Let me tell you, my heart was ten kinds of happy that day at lunch.

I joked to my friend Case that I didn't know where all my tax money went this year, and she quickly replied, um probably all your books.  Truer words have never been spoken.  Oh, but what a fun year of reads!!  I'm in the middle of TWO books right now and loving both of them!!

I mean, come on, have you seen a cuter pic?!  (I know I'm probably biased)  I got to see my sweet cousins, Stevie and Journi.  I love these sweet girls!!

Look at this handsome fella.  Hankford has my heart.

One of the books from the above picture.  Y'all - it is GOOD.  I'm only a few pages in and quite addicted.  I've already cried, laughed, and said, this is my life.  Can't wait to finish!

Have FABULOUS weeks!  Here's to hoping for WARMER weather!!

Life Lately...

I have wanted to write more this year and I feel like I've done a decent job at that. I'm happy that I've been able to be more consistent with writing with this blog - my virtual memory book and journal. One of the reasons I wanted to keep a blog in the first place was to document all the different happenings in my life. Especially my life post-college. So many things have happened. Good. Bad. Surprising. Expected. Joyful. Frustrating.

The amazing thing about a blog is that I'm able to see the growth and journey I've been on. I look back on posts from 3 or 4 years ago when I was a baby teacher and marvel at how things...how I have changed. I'm glad that I have something to look back on.

So where am I now? Who do I want to be? The honest answer is I don't know. I feel like I'm in a good place concerning several areas of my life, and yet there are others I don't feel as content in. I think that's just part of growing up. It's all a learning experience.

We live.
We learn.
We grow.

I'm glad I have amazing people on this journey with me.