Ambiguity and the Net of Life

I have been trying to write at least once a week, but haven’t been very good at that task. I have a new obsession with reading other people’s blogs and finding new interesting ones. I am always amazed at the beauty of how people write their thoughts and express their emotions through words. I have to admit, on more than one occasion I’ve found myself jealous, wishing I could write like that. I’ve been thinking a lot about what to write about. Should I write about how my faith has been tested a lot or I’ve been disappointed in myself? Maybe I should write about my hometown and the corrupt School Board taking over the county. But, as happens quite often, I was inspired by something I was watching and my thoughts took a different turn.

The name of my blog is titled for Gilda Radner, she is one of my favorite actresses. Sometime during my high school years I watched the movie on her life and then read her book. I wouldn’t know it then, but it would help me and inspire me throughout the rest of high school and continues to still.

“Delicious Ambiguity” I love this saying. Not knowing what’s going to happen. Having to rely on faith that isn’t always clear cut. Having to trust that even when it doesn’t fit into my plan, its okay for life to take me to this place or do this thing.

This year I’ve had a lot of ambiguity. I had absolutely no clue what was going to happen when I moved to this tiny town. I wasn’t sure if teaching was going to be the complete right thing for my career path. I had doubts that this was where I was supposed to be. I wondered if God had been playing a joke on me by placing me in the middle of no where with nothing to hold on to except faith and a cute apartment.

But, with the ambiguity, the fear, the unknown will always be that safety net that’s always been there. It’s (or their) strong lattice catching you when you need it. I have a safety net of family and friends. When I find myself wondering and scared and panicked about this scary new world I’ve found myself in, the net catches me. They encompass their arms of support and love around me.

Here’s the big thing I’ve learned. Yes, this is scary. No, no one told me it was going to be this scary. BUT, there hasn’t been a time that I couldn’t call up someone and lean on them. There wasn’t a time I could e-mail my Garland Girls and ask them for a prayer and advice. There was not one single time my Mom wasn’t there with a listening ear.

And then something else happened. A new safety net appeared. The sweet women I work with and have the divine pleasure of calling my English Dept opened their arms and hearts. And other people in the school did as well. They have become apart of my family.

So with all the worry and all the fear and all the ambiguity of this life, the familiar is still there. It’s still where it’s always been. And then, if you’re lucky, your net gets stronger. More people are there to catch you. Sometimes, it’s okay to fall…