College Flashback

It will be 7 years ago this August I entered college. Has it been that long? Really? I honestly try not to think about those first few months of college. I almost hate it when my students ask, "Did you like college?" Of course I eventually LOVED it. I would go back to my junior and senior year in an absolute heartbeat...but...those first couple of years...I wouldn't go back.

Change is a necessary evil or good depending on the circumstance. The change of college was in the evil category. It's strange, my entire senior year I prepared and got ready and was looking forward to that 'great move', but when it happened...it was like someone had punched me in the stomach and said, okay, get up, move on, go to it.

When I'm advising students on room mates and classes and what to do their freshman year, I always try to smile and give them my best advice, but secretly I'm praying that they don't have the year I did.

I can't blame it on UNCG. I can't even blame it all on my room mate (that was never there and eventually moved out). I know there was a lot going on with my family. My cousin was dying, my depression and anxiety were getting worse and worse. I felt like my life was slipping from me...and if you know me, you know I do NOT like feeling out of control. But, the worst thing was that I was simply homesick. I missed my mom with an ache that I can't explain. I'm not a momma's or daddy's girl, per say, but I do love them and I guess that without them there, I didn't know what home was. I didn't know how to create that for myself.

Every night I would call mom and sob, I mean y'all, sobbb. Ugly cry. Oprah is reuniting with a long lost hero cry. I know now that it probably was just as hard on her as it was me. How horrible to feel like you are helpless. She knew she couldn't let me come home, thank goodness she didn't. She did the biggest favor in not.

Eventually, with a lot of prayer, knowing my friends were there, knowing that even though home is and will always be Morganton, I learned that home is where you make it. Home is hearing your best friend's voice on the phone. Hearing a knock on your dorm room door and seeing your friends while they check in on you.

It was hard. Probably the hardest and worst year of my life. I don't like to think of the darkness I was in. I just know I eventually found the light. God has never given me a problem he didn't hold my hand through. The light on the other side is worth the fight. I grew stronger from the experience.

So now, when I advise my seniors, I tell them to have fun, MEET PEOPLE, call home, but don't be afriad to be scared and homesick. Just know it's inevitable, but also don't give up. Getting through college was one of the biggest accomplishments I've ever done. The other side is indeed brighter.