What They Don't Teach You

I’ve been in some form of education for 20 years. I mean, if we want to go back to pre-school we can tack on a couple more years. Education has in some way has become a central part of my life. Even during my summers, some part of my brain is back in the classroom. It’s my second home. We don’t always love home…but it is just that, home.

However, there are some things that education didn’t teach me. In all my years of experience, college, education, practice, teaching, and internships…some questions were left unanswered. What? You spend all that time and money and you don’t have questions answered?! What the crap?

What am I suppose to tell the kid that comes from a bad home situation?

What do I do when the copier won’t work and you have to print a test for 3 classes?

How are you suppose to keep a smile on your face when all you really want to do is scream at the top of your lungs.

There are times and moments I love what I do. Explaining a poem that my students finally “get”. Helping a student edit an essay. Watching a student I had forever ago graduate and make it to the next step in life. Seeing a student cheer and look up from the field and smile big because they know you’re supporting them. Advising a student to do the right thing. Reading a novel that speaks not only to me, but to them. Laughing with co-workers. Helping a colleague when they need something. I love that I am able to help. I love that I am able to encourage. I love that I am needed. I love my job for these reasons.

There are moments I don’t like my job. Moments like when I’m frustrated that my students don’t understand a concept because I don’t completely understand the concept myself. When a student doesn’t listen to me. When a student has such apathy that no matter what the motivation or how long I try to work with them…they just don’t care. How do you make them care? When you are underpaid, have other issues in your (heaven forbid) personal life.

No one ever said this would be easy. No one ever told me that this would be a dream job. I certainly didn’t get into this job for the money or respect. It’s a tough time to be in education. It’s hard to be a teacher right now. I can’t say I don’t love it. There is a part of me that can’t see me doing anything else. I define myself sometimes by being a teacher. But, it’s hard. It’s really hard sometimes. Some days I would like to find something new to do. I would like to run away and become an actress that is loved, adored, and paid tons of money. But I’m not. I’m not going to be.

So we make do with the cards that are dealt to us. I try to find the good in what I do…even though it’s sometimes hard. I look to the students that do care and that do appreciate my hard work. I do this for the students that will take my class with them after graduation. I do it to put the smile on their faces when I do something goofy. I do it to see that light bulb go off. I’m just going to try to remind myself of all those things when I am frustrated like I will inevitably will be some days. There is a reason I am here.

Reflections on the Third Year

As I sit down to write this yearly reflection, I’m reminded of a quote that I love. It was written by one of my favorite authors, Ralph Waldo Emerson. I love his simple outlook on the world. He constantly encourages people to live a simpler, yet fuller life. The quote says, “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it well and serenely…” This sums up my third year perfectly.

It’s hard to believe that three years ago I was in a state of pure panic. I was frustrated and scared. I, by this time, had interviewed for a couple schools, sent out what seemed like 50 other resumes, and hadn’t heard anything. I was battling the frustration and not doing a very good job at it. It was also around this time that Mrs. McKinney gave me the nudge to put myself out there. I did, and by the end of June, I would have my job at Rockingham Co. High School.

I left the interview not thinking I had gotten the job. I didn’t think the principal that had interviewed me was impressed and even though he gave me a mini-tour of the building, I left thinking, “Well, at least it was good practice!” About a week later I was offered the job.

Three years, in some ways, has flown by. I hardly remember that interview, I hardly remember the summer of preparation. I remember the fear and anxiety, but specific moments fail me. Starting the job, however, was a different story. I remember everything. I remember the fear, the worry, and the panic. But, I also remember being done with my first year and being more proud of myself than I had been even graduating from college!

And here we are three years later. The reason I started this entry with the Emerson quote is because the past three years I’ve had some moments when I know I’ve taught kids well. But, I’ve also had moments where I knew I could’ve done better and I knew I could’ve done the lesson differently. Teachers can’t dwell on those moments. We finish the day. We have to be done with it. Though I’m finished with the year and I know there are tons of things I could’ve done different, some ‘blunders and absurdities’ most definitely ‘crept in’, but I’m finished with it and I have to move on. Next year is a new year and I will just try to work harder to fix mistakes I have made.

This year I taught all four English levels. I taught freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and seniors. I saw sweet, little freshmen come in and I also saw my juniors mature into seniors. I taught the EOC. I graded what seemed like 3,344 research papers. I organized, technoligized (I know that’s not a word, but trust me, it should be), I learned new things, and I tried to take everything in.

Most importantly, I got to see my students grow. The students that are getting ready to become seniors were just coming in as freshmen when I was coming into my first year of teaching. I feel like we’ve grown together. We’ve finally made it to what seems to be a very established setting in our lives. I’m so proud of them, I already have mixed emotions about when they walk across that stage next year. I also, for what feels like the true first time, got to really mentor and advise a couple students. Develop a bond that I know Mrs. McKinney must have felt when I was in high school. I know that when these girls leave, I will still keep in touch and want to know what is going on. I am so sad, and yet so proud to see them move on.

I love my job on most days. I love my school on most days. But, I can’t lie and say I haven’t wanted to just up and leave. I have felt more frustration this year than I ever did my first or second year, I think that must be expected. But, again, like Emerson said…I taught, and I must move on. I will move on to my next year with new challenges and changes and welcome them anew.

Hello, summer…I’ve missed you.