I’ve been in some form of education for 20 years. I mean, if we want to go back to pre-school we can tack on a couple more years. Education has in some way has become a central part of my life. Even during my summers, some part of my brain is back in the classroom. It’s my second home. We don’t always love home…but it is just that, home.
However, there are some things that education didn’t teach me. In all my years of experience, college, education, practice, teaching, and internships…some questions were left unanswered. What? You spend all that time and money and you don’t have questions answered?! What the crap?
What am I suppose to tell the kid that comes from a bad home situation?
What do I do when the copier won’t work and you have to print a test for 3 classes?
How are you suppose to keep a smile on your face when all you really want to do is scream at the top of your lungs.
There are times and moments I love what I do. Explaining a poem that my students finally “get”. Helping a student edit an essay. Watching a student I had forever ago graduate and make it to the next step in life. Seeing a student cheer and look up from the field and smile big because they know you’re supporting them. Advising a student to do the right thing. Reading a novel that speaks not only to me, but to them. Laughing with co-workers. Helping a colleague when they need something. I love that I am able to help. I love that I am able to encourage. I love that I am needed. I love my job for these reasons.
There are moments I don’t like my job. Moments like when I’m frustrated that my students don’t understand a concept because I don’t completely understand the concept myself. When a student doesn’t listen to me. When a student has such apathy that no matter what the motivation or how long I try to work with them…they just don’t care. How do you make them care? When you are underpaid, have other issues in your (heaven forbid) personal life.
No one ever said this would be easy. No one ever told me that this would be a dream job. I certainly didn’t get into this job for the money or respect. It’s a tough time to be in education. It’s hard to be a teacher right now. I can’t say I don’t love it. There is a part of me that can’t see me doing anything else. I define myself sometimes by being a teacher. But, it’s hard. It’s really hard sometimes. Some days I would like to find something new to do. I would like to run away and become an actress that is loved, adored, and paid tons of money. But I’m not. I’m not going to be.
So we make do with the cards that are dealt to us. I try to find the good in what I do…even though it’s sometimes hard. I look to the students that do care and that do appreciate my hard work. I do this for the students that will take my class with them after graduation. I do it to put the smile on their faces when I do something goofy. I do it to see that light bulb go off. I’m just going to try to remind myself of all those things when I am frustrated like I will inevitably will be some days. There is a reason I am here.
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