Climbing the Mountain

Disclaimer: I have never climbed a mountain...I kind of doubt that I ever will.  This is just a mere comparison, so I hope I don't offend anyone who has climbed a mountain - I'm sure it's way more intense.  Really, this is my anxiety kicking in and don't want to offend anyone.


As many English majors do, I tend to make comparisons/analogies to help explain my feelings and current state of being/mind.  As I was testing a group of kids the other day, I realized that teaching is kind of like climbing a really big mountain.

Let me explain.

At the peak of this glorious, beautiful mountain is a spot of beauty called "Retirement" and "The Land of Grateful, Well-Taught Students".  It takes many years to reach this important milestone and the journey is long, hard, and treacherous.  I think I might have frostbite.

For seven years, I was climbing the mountain pretty steadily.  A rough wind here, some rain there, but overall, making good progress.  I even hit some awesome posts.  Taught an AP class, worked as department chair and county lead teacher for English, sponsored a club, and attended wonderful conference/workshops.  The views were breathtaking and there were even a few moments where I felt "on top of the world".

But, as I was traveling up the mountain, I got a little too comfortable with the trek.  I kept on pondering, "Is there another route that might challenge me in a different way?"  Ever the anxious traveller, I pushed these thoughts aside for a few years and continued my journey on the path I knew well.

I came to a standstill.  Two routes were suddenly displayed.  One, my current path, was what I was comfortable with and knew.  The other was a new.  One that looked more challenging.  There would be many more obstacles if I chose that one, but the view would be new...and maybe even more rewarding.

I was surprised when my mind didn't hesitate to head toward the new path.  I was shocked that I was so confident in this decision.  Part of me wanted to say, "Stop!  That looks way too different and harder!  Why don't we just stay on this path that we know, this path that offers comfort and stability?"

Alas, I chose the new trek.  And, in the beginning, it was nice.  New views, new people greeted me on the way, offering their hands in support.  A few branches here and there to avoid, but overall, I thought, "Ok, this is going to be good!"

Then I hit a snag.  While traveling up the mountain this semester, I seemed to have hit some rough patches.  It seemed as though all the progress I had made over the past years had been erased.  I was suddenly pushed off the mountain and thrust back to where I started on the path.

Year one.  All over again.

All the sudden, the path was filled with new obstacles, unfamiliar territory, and a path that wasn't so clear.  It was frustrating to feel like all my previous work from the past 7 years would have to be re-established and refreshed.

At different points during last semester, I wanted off the mountain all together.  I was so frustrated that I couldn't navigate this route as well as I used to.  I was angry at myself and felt like I wasn't cut out for this profession.  Teaching is a job that, for some, really messes with your self esteem.  A lot of teachers are able to overcome this and not be bothered by it, but for someone like me, who has anxiety issues and the confidence of a fish in a sea of sharks...it can be rough.

Nonetheless, I trudged on.  I would not turn back and be defeated.  There were times where I felt like I was simply crawling up the mountain.  Knees skinned, hands raw, feet blistered...but I continued on.  You have to.

Luckily for me, I had an entourage of supporters at school, friends, and family who bandaged my wounds, lifted me up when I fell, and encouraged me to go on.

I know this sounds dramatic, and I want to assure you that it really has nothing to do with my school, my colleagues, my administration, or the students I taught.  My journey was tough because I wasn't sure of how to climb this new trail.  I didn't know where to go...and sometimes I was afraid to ask for help...or too proud.

Here's the thing...obviously I'm no where near the top.  I'm still struggling on this path I'm on.  But at the end of the semester, I felt like I had conquered something really big.  I completed a path that wasn't "the easy route".  I went out of my comfort zone and tried new things.  It was hard and scary and frustrating, but I did it.

I know that this path will continue to have bumps and rough patches.  I think it would have even if I had stayed at my old school.  The state of education (especially in NC) is a rough mountain to be on no matter where your path is.  But we mountain climbers (teachers, administrators, assistants, etc) trudge on and continue to climb.  We know that the students we help bolster on their own journeys make ours worthwhile.  When we help a kid reach their potential, cross their finish lines, reach the peaks of their mountains...it makes our steep climb worth it.

So I will keep on climbing.

ReGrouping...30 before 30

Almost a year ago I wrote a post entitled "The Thirty before Thirty List".  Around this time, I had decided (with the big 3-0 looming over my head) to complete several things that had always been nagging me.  I have adjusted and maneuvered and switched a little from the original list, but tried to keep the "big" things.

I have just a little under 5 months to complete all of these things!  Some are just a continuation of thing things I've started, some are finished, and some will probably be finished right on the cusp of me turning 30.

Here's the list (a few stories with it).  I put it in order of the things I've done, things I'm in the middle of, and things that I haven't gotten to yet.

1. Participate in a 5k - CHECK!

I ran the Color Run back in March (2015) with my cousin's wife, Kelsey.  It was a little messy, but A LOT of fun!  I was sooooo happy when I finished.  Even though I didn't really run, I walked briskly and jogged.  It really is a great race - I recommend to anyone who just wants to have some fun, get some good exercise, and doesn't mind coming out of the race looking like a colorful powder ball.

2. Visit and Explore NYC - CHECK!

This past summer, I traveled up north to visit my friend Courtney, who lives in Philly.  One of my best friends, Caro came with me and we decided to make a roadtrip out of it!  After DC, and Philly, we ended up in NY.  SO MUCH FUN.  I loved it.  We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, had "real Brooklyn" pizza, walked through Central Park (side note - I was also able to stand in Strawberry Fields and it was magical), visited the Statue of Liberty, and walked around Ellis Island.  We saw the whole city on "top of the rock" at Rockefeller Center.  Another stand out was visiting the 9/11 Memorial Museum - one of the most powerful places I've ever been to.

3. See a Play on Broadway in NYC - CHECK!

Caroline and I knew we wanted to go see a play while we were in the city.  After looking through several options of shows playing, we decided to see Jim Parsons in "Act of God" - it was hilarious.  Parsons plays God and goes through some history and current events.  He was spot on and hilarious.  It left me thinking and pondering about life.  Highly recommend if you ever get the chance to see it!

4. Watch the Sun Rise over the Ocean - CHECK!

I went to the beach in June with my family and woke up early on a couple different mornings to catch the beautiful sunrises that are somehow extra magnificent over the Outer Banks.  Watching the day come to life, while listening to the soft waves makes for a magical moment.  The closest I feel to God is when I'm sitting in the morning and watching Him paint the sky.  Seeing which colors will show up and which shades will be used.  The sound of the morning, the smell of the sea, the sight of the sky and ocean...it's pure magic.

5. Get Rid of THREE BIG BAGS of Clothes, Crap, and Random - CHECK!

I moved earlier this year from a house that I had been in for 4 years.  I knew I had accumulated a lot of stuff, but holy crap.  I swear my stuff up in the upstairs bonus room had mated and made little piles of new crap.  I went through and piled and threw and got it all into 3 huge bags.

(Note: no picture because, I mean...piles of clothes and bags...)

6. Explore DC: Museums and Monuments - CHECK!

The first stop on the "2015 Summer Roadtrip" was DC.  Caroline lived in DC for a year right after college, so it was really nice to have someone who "knew the ropes".  We walked all around DC, saw all the monuments, toured museums (Holocaust Museum is another place I'll never forget), and enjoyed the city!

7 & 8.  Take a Zumba AND Yoga Class - CHECK and CHECK!

One of the best things I did in 2015 was join the YMCA.  I was terrified at first, but ended up really enjoying the experience.  This was mainly because of taking these two classes.  For most of February, March, and April, I went to both of these classes each week.  LOVED them.  It is something I never really saw myself doing, but totally embraced and enjoyed it!

(Again, sorry no picture of me sweating and looking rough)

9. Attend THREE Awesome Concerts! - CHECK!

Because 30 might be a little too ambitious.  In 2015, I saw Shania Twain, Lady Antebellum, and Chase Rice in concert...not all together, though that would be an epic show!  All were fantastic - especially Shania...took me straight back to 1999 and singing "Honey I'm Home" in my childhood bedroom.

(Mom, me, and Meg at the Shania Twain concert)

10. Get a TATTOO - CHECK!

Already wrote about this in a previous post, but this the first thing I did off the list.  I still love it and have absolutely no regrets about getting my tattoo.  Not sure if I'll get another one...it took me almost 30 years to decide on this one...but, you never know :)

11. Take a Creative Class and Learn a New Skill - CHECK!

In February, I took a Wilton Cake Class and ended up taking another course as well in May.  It was so much fun!  I had a little experience before going in, but learned a lot of other techniques and skills.  I've since made several cakes for family and friends.  Definitely a skill that I will continue to use.

12. Make a MOVE (cities and jobs) - CHECK!

This was probably the BIGGEST thing I checked off the list.  In June, I accepted a new teaching position and then in August, I officially moved to Winston Salem.  It was a huge decision, probably the biggest I've made since leaving college.  Lots of ups and downs, but that goes with the territory of change!

13. Take a Multi-State Roadtrip - CHECK!

This was mentioned in two previous list items!  In July, Caro and I drove up to DC - explored for a couple days; hopped on a bus for Philly - explored for a couple days; hopped on another bus for NYC - explored for a couple days; hopped on yet another bus back to DC and then finally drove home!!  It was a ton of fun, I saw a ton of places I'd always wanted to see, AND Caro and I survived each other (which is a good thing because it was kind of a trial run to see if the whole roommate thing was going to work out...).

14. Host a Dinner Party - CHECK!

I wasn't sure when or how I was going to do this, but it presented itself when several of my students were graduating last June.  I had about 12 of my students who were graduating over for dinner.  I was a little nervous about cooking for that many people, but a few of my sweet girls came over early and helped.  It was a ton of fun and turned out really well!!

15. Bake, Decorate, and Present Cakes - CHECK!

This piggybacks off of my "learn a new skill" entry.  Again, had a lot of fun with this last year.  My two favorite cakes were for two of my favorite little men's birthday parties.  I did a "jungle" cake for Thad's 2nd birthday and a "monkey" teal/red one for Wyatt's 1st birthday!  I think they turned out cute!

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16. Take a Solo Weekend Trip

17. Bake a Cheesecake

18. Finish 2010 Personal Journal

19. Sing at a Karaoke Bar

20. Run (at least jog) a Mile

21. Hike a Scenic Trail

22. Visit a Psychic

23. Take a Salsa Dancing Class

24. Go off Facebook for 30 Days (March)

25. Lose 30 lbs (from 1/2016 to 5/2016)

26. Complete a 30 Day Photo Challenge (April)

27. Complete 30 Blog Entries (from 1/2016 to Bday)

28. (Finish) 30 Notes of Gratitude

29. (Continue to) Read and FINISH 30 Novels (begin 1/2015 to end of May)

*At the end of 2015, I'm at 16 - I'm only counting NEW books I've never read.  I re-read books all the time for school and memory sake, but wanted to keep this list for "fresh" books*

30. CELEBRATE my 30th in VEGAS