Climbing the Mountain

Disclaimer: I have never climbed a mountain...I kind of doubt that I ever will.  This is just a mere comparison, so I hope I don't offend anyone who has climbed a mountain - I'm sure it's way more intense.  Really, this is my anxiety kicking in and don't want to offend anyone.


As many English majors do, I tend to make comparisons/analogies to help explain my feelings and current state of being/mind.  As I was testing a group of kids the other day, I realized that teaching is kind of like climbing a really big mountain.

Let me explain.

At the peak of this glorious, beautiful mountain is a spot of beauty called "Retirement" and "The Land of Grateful, Well-Taught Students".  It takes many years to reach this important milestone and the journey is long, hard, and treacherous.  I think I might have frostbite.

For seven years, I was climbing the mountain pretty steadily.  A rough wind here, some rain there, but overall, making good progress.  I even hit some awesome posts.  Taught an AP class, worked as department chair and county lead teacher for English, sponsored a club, and attended wonderful conference/workshops.  The views were breathtaking and there were even a few moments where I felt "on top of the world".

But, as I was traveling up the mountain, I got a little too comfortable with the trek.  I kept on pondering, "Is there another route that might challenge me in a different way?"  Ever the anxious traveller, I pushed these thoughts aside for a few years and continued my journey on the path I knew well.

I came to a standstill.  Two routes were suddenly displayed.  One, my current path, was what I was comfortable with and knew.  The other was a new.  One that looked more challenging.  There would be many more obstacles if I chose that one, but the view would be new...and maybe even more rewarding.

I was surprised when my mind didn't hesitate to head toward the new path.  I was shocked that I was so confident in this decision.  Part of me wanted to say, "Stop!  That looks way too different and harder!  Why don't we just stay on this path that we know, this path that offers comfort and stability?"

Alas, I chose the new trek.  And, in the beginning, it was nice.  New views, new people greeted me on the way, offering their hands in support.  A few branches here and there to avoid, but overall, I thought, "Ok, this is going to be good!"

Then I hit a snag.  While traveling up the mountain this semester, I seemed to have hit some rough patches.  It seemed as though all the progress I had made over the past years had been erased.  I was suddenly pushed off the mountain and thrust back to where I started on the path.

Year one.  All over again.

All the sudden, the path was filled with new obstacles, unfamiliar territory, and a path that wasn't so clear.  It was frustrating to feel like all my previous work from the past 7 years would have to be re-established and refreshed.

At different points during last semester, I wanted off the mountain all together.  I was so frustrated that I couldn't navigate this route as well as I used to.  I was angry at myself and felt like I wasn't cut out for this profession.  Teaching is a job that, for some, really messes with your self esteem.  A lot of teachers are able to overcome this and not be bothered by it, but for someone like me, who has anxiety issues and the confidence of a fish in a sea of sharks...it can be rough.

Nonetheless, I trudged on.  I would not turn back and be defeated.  There were times where I felt like I was simply crawling up the mountain.  Knees skinned, hands raw, feet blistered...but I continued on.  You have to.

Luckily for me, I had an entourage of supporters at school, friends, and family who bandaged my wounds, lifted me up when I fell, and encouraged me to go on.

I know this sounds dramatic, and I want to assure you that it really has nothing to do with my school, my colleagues, my administration, or the students I taught.  My journey was tough because I wasn't sure of how to climb this new trail.  I didn't know where to go...and sometimes I was afraid to ask for help...or too proud.

Here's the thing...obviously I'm no where near the top.  I'm still struggling on this path I'm on.  But at the end of the semester, I felt like I had conquered something really big.  I completed a path that wasn't "the easy route".  I went out of my comfort zone and tried new things.  It was hard and scary and frustrating, but I did it.

I know that this path will continue to have bumps and rough patches.  I think it would have even if I had stayed at my old school.  The state of education (especially in NC) is a rough mountain to be on no matter where your path is.  But we mountain climbers (teachers, administrators, assistants, etc) trudge on and continue to climb.  We know that the students we help bolster on their own journeys make ours worthwhile.  When we help a kid reach their potential, cross their finish lines, reach the peaks of their mountains...it makes our steep climb worth it.

So I will keep on climbing.