Letter to Ms. Barrier

A few months ago, I read an interesting blog post encouraging veteran teachers to write a letter to their first day, first year of teaching selves.  I wasn't even sure what I would tell that person years ago, but decided to take the challenge.  It resulted in a deep reflection of who I was as a teacher and who I've become.  I encourage all teachers at some point in their career to give it a try.

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Dear Coley,

You're about to become Ms. Barrier.  It will soon be shorten to "Ms. B" and part of you will identify with that more name than your first.  This is mainly because it's all you're going to hear most of your future weeks.  Go ahead and take a deep breath.  It's going to be a bumpy ride.

You are currently a mixed bag of nerves, anxiety, and fear.  Terrified of failure, braced for the unknown.  I'm going to go ahead and tell you...it's going to be like this for awhile.  I'm not trying to scare you or make you worry, but it's inevitable given our personality that you would be anything but those things.  Keep your head up and soldier on...you WILL make it through.

Don't...are you listening to me?...don't constantly compare yourself to others.  Other teachers, other colleagues, other friends...by doing this, you are setting yourself up for failure.  Of course the teacher who has been teaching for 20 years is going to be better than you!!  I think we both know it would be scary if he or she wasn't!  You can't let this fact get to you.  You are a FIRST year teacher.  Even though you should strive for your best, you must also understand that mistakes are part of the learning curve.  You have to make them before you can truly learn.  Learning is the best part of this gig.  You get to do it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Another "don't" - do not feel like you have to do everything.  You don't have to sponsor a club your first year!  You don't have to be on this or that committee at first!  You don't have to feel like you should go to every sporting event...that's ridiculous.  Yes, you should go to some and show your support, but if you stretch yourself too thin, the results are going to be disastrous.

You have an amazing team of supportive teachers and colleagues working with you.  You shouldn't be afraid to ask for their advice.  They're not going to think you're weak; they're not going to think it makes you a "bad" teacher to ask for help.  That's what they're there for - to make sure you are doing well.  It's not a flaw to need other people, rather look at it as a gift.  These are the people who will shape the future teacher you will soon become.

Your students are going to become so important to you.  You're going to worry about them, be frustrated with them, rely on them to make you smile, and most of all, you're going to learn from them.  They'll teach you so much more than any college class could have.  They're going to NEED you.  That first year you're going to have some "doozies", but those students are few and far between.  Looking back, some of the best students I ever taught, some of the students who taught me the most, were in those 6 classes I taught that first year.

Don't lose your spark or creativity.  Don't procrastinate grading.  Don't give up.

You will feel like throwing in the towel and saying, "SCREW IT!"  You will go home achingly tired.  BUT you will conquer and make it through to the other side.  It's okay to cry and it's okay to call your best friends or family and feel like screaming.  That's what they're there for and what they expect you to do.

This is the best, hardest. most frustratingly rewarding job you will ever know.  It will bring you to your knees in prayer.  It will bring tears to your eyes.  But, most of all, it will make you a better person.  It will help you to grow.  The benefits of this job are innumerable.  Focus on that.

Sitting here in the same classroom, seven and a half years later...it's incredible to think about you.  You being me...that scared teacher.  The kids have changed...the boards have been decorated differently.  The lessons have changed and the responsibilities have grown.  But the love is still there.  The knowledge that this is God's gift for you to use has grown.  Just don't get sucked under the tide...remember this quote:

"Promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves that you forget, truly forget, how much you have always loved to swim."
-Tyler Knott Gregson

That sums it up.

Best wishes.  Learn.  Love.  Forgive yourself.

You're still here all these years later...

Hugs,
An older, slightly wiser Ms. Barrier