A Little Look Back

I have been meaning to write and catch up on the summer and a few of the books I've enjoyed over the past few months, but haven't been able to gather my thoughts and sit down long enough to type.  I will get to those posts, but first....

I wanted to write today because as I was perusing my blog the other day, I realized that I wrote my very first post EIGHT YEARS AGO TODAY!  Where does the time go?

It was so weird to read that post.  Eight years ago, I was moving into my little apartment in Eden and starting my very first teaching job.  Since then, I've lived in 4 (going on 5) different places and cities and taught at 2 (going on 3) different schools.  OHHH WHAT I COULD TELL LITTLE COLEY.

I won't bore you with all the coulda woulda shouldas....but from reading that old post, I do see that I  have grown from that scared 22 year old to the slightly more "with it" 30 year old.  (PS - when you write out the numbers, it makes you really see your age...jjjjeeeeezzzzzz).

Here are 8 things I've learned in the past 8 years:

1. Even when life gets scary and hard, learning how to roll with the punches is a must.  There have been several times when I've been at my wit's end and I've had to let go of my insecurities, anxieties, and frustrations, and just go with the flow.  SIDE NOTE: this doesn't always mean I do this....
2. The time I have spent with family and friends is invaluable.  I will never ever take that time for granted.  These people....my people...have held me up, cushioned my falls, and pulled me into their arms when I felt that I was falling apart.
3. Teaching has produced some of the hardest times in the past eight years, but the lessons I have gained are so important to me.  I am thankful for all my time in the classroom even if it has resulted in several gray hairs.
4. I've learned that sometimes you need to turn off the computer and tv and just read or write.  This is actually something I want to get better at, but there's still some years to work on that.
5. Tiny humans have made my heart double...no, triple in size.  My sister's son, my best friends' sons, my cousin's daughters have all brought such light, joy, and love into my heart.
6. Pictures are phenomenal ways to document the memories you make in life, but at the same time...sometimes you have to just live in the moment (another thing I'm still working on).
7. TRAVEL - traveling has been one of the best things I've been forturnate enough to do.  I love visiting new places, sight seeing, people watching, trying new things, immersing myself in new places is something I hope I always get to do.  So many more places to go....
8. Life is short.  Enjoy it.

Here We Go Again...

2016 has been quite a year.  It's been a big year of unexpected change.  Lots of unplanned events that I didn't ask for, nor was prepared for.  However, with unexpected change comes opportunities for growth.

When my grandmother died almost 4 months ago, all of my family looked at each other and had this unspoken question of...well, what happens to our main homestead?  Granny's home was where everything took place: holidays, lunches, gatherings, etc.  I don't think any of us could fathom the thought of someone else living there.

In the midst of all this, we kind of wondered...what about Coley?  At first, I told them I didn't think it was a possibility.  I came up with this mental list: I didn't have a job in Morganton, I was happy in Winston, I already had a big "move" change last year, a house is a HUGE responsibility, yada, yada.

But the thought in my head wouldn't let go.

I, on a whim, texted a good friend of mine who also happens to teach within Burke County.  I simply asked her to keep her ears open and let me know whether she heard anything about a possible job opening at one of the schools.  Thinking she would reply with, "I'll keep them open!"  I kept my optimism on low.  I know that sounds bad, but I didn't want to get any hopes up (especially at that early stage).  However, within a couple minutes, she replied saying, "Actually, I think there might be one."  Say what?!  I couldn't help but feel like Granny was nudging me home.

Even with that response, I wasn't 100% sure.  The weeks that followed were really hard.  I was still dealing with the death of my grandmother, I was finishing my year of teaching, I wasn't sure I was ready to move again, I felt this calling to go back, I felt this calling to stay...bottom line....I was just kind of hanging out in this hellish limbo.

So, I did what I always do when I'm not sure, I prayed.  I tried my best to listen.  I talked to friends, I talked to family, and I talked some more to God.  I decided that I would send in my resume and an email to the two high schools I would like to teach at within Burke County.  If I heard something, wonderful, and if I didn't, I was happy staying where I was in Winston.

About a week after that, I got an email asking if I'd like to come in for an interview.  I said yes and went in.

The next month was the longest month of my life.  School systems still have to go through a lengthy hiring process, so even though I interviewed, and even though I thought it went well, I knew I wouldn't knew anything FOR SURE for awhile.

Not to sound dramatic, but, IT WAS AWFUL.

I didn't know what to do.  I didn't know what to hope for.  I began to doubt EVERYTHING.  I didn't know if this was maybe a sign to stay or maybe just to forget the whole thing... I ended my year at Tabor and still didn't know what the following school year would hold.  I couldn't say anything to anyone because again, I didn't know.

I'll save you the melancholy Coley blabber.  I will say that doubt is an anxiety-ridden person's worst enemy...and ole doubt was creeping into every crevice of my life.

Anywho, about two weeks ago, I was sitting at my sister's house and got THE call.  THE call I had been waiting for...I was officially offered the job at my alma mater, Freedom High School.  And even with that call, I was still a ball of emotions!  As all of it has settled a bit, I am back on the excited track.

I know a lot of this pain and confusion was related to Granny.  I know a lot of it was related to my mixed emotions about leaving Tabor and Winston.  When I left Rockingham, I knew it was time to move on.  I knew I had "run my course" there and was ready to see what else there was "out there".  But, only being at Tabor a year, there were a TON of mixed emotions!  I truly enjoyed teaching there.  I learned so so so so much from my colleagues and students.  It's an incredible place.

 There's still a lot of "technical" stuff to work out (hence why I haven't posted or said anything on social media).  I am excited though.  It means being closer to my family and working at the place that first made me want to be a high school teacher!

All this to say, this was an incredibly hard decision, BUT...at the end of the day, the BIGGEST thing that has kept me from ditching the whole idea is the peace that living in Granny's house brings me. And I will never be able to argue with that.

As the great Dr. Meredith Grey once said:

"When we follow our hearts, when we choose not to settle, it's funny isn't it?  A weight lifts.  The sun shines a little brighter and for a brief moment at least, we find a little peace."