What I Know...

I have started and re-started this post about 15 times.  I kept changing the format, what I was writing about, and just...everything.  I finally figured out a way to include all that I wanted to write.

Recently I went to the doctor to check up on some things. During the course of my visit, she asked me several questions about my life.  I left the office with my head swimming with questions.  It was a good thing. It made me really start to question a lot of things and re-evaluate myself.

My biggest goal this year (because goodness knows I have so many...) is getting to know myself better.  So this post is about what I do know.  What I have learned about myself over the past couple of months.  Hopefully it'll make sense.

1. My family has an affinity for both love and encouragement. - My family has had its share of heartbreaks and loss and shocks and surprises.  Each member has handled what life has thrown with such grace.  I am lucky that all my immediate family lives within the same county.  Anytime I go home, I am able to see each member.  They welcome me with hugs and love and always encourages me to follow my dreams - as I try to do for each of them.  With each surprise or struggle, we find our way.  Every time I'm down, I can call my grandmother and she knows just what to say.  My mom listens.  My sister makes me laugh.  My cousins make me smile.  They're so amazing, all of them.

Sweet family

2. I, quite possibly, have the best friends in the world. My friend put on Pinterest a quote that said, "The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren't lovable."  Though this could be said for my family as well, my poor friends have dealt with me during so many low points in my life. It's cliche to say, "I couldn't have gotten through that without you."  But, it's true when I say that about them.  My friends have seen me cry, listened to me, inspired me, and helped me up when I've fallen down.  They have seen me when I haven't been all that lovable, but they loved me with an insistence that I am so grateful for.   I hope that I'm half the friend to them that they are to me.

My vast array of amazing friends...

My GG's...sweet best friends 

3. My job is frustrating, complicated, and one of the things I love most in life. I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about quitting my job once...or fifteen times.  I have been so frustrated by education in the past couple years.  I've fought the idea that this might be what I'm suppose to do.  I don't know that I'll stay in the classroom forever, but I do know this is where I feel called. I don't think I'm the best teacher, but I do know I try, and I change when I need to, and I am constantly trying to improve.  I am thankful that my county has allowed me to have new leadership roles and new classes that lets me spread my wings a bit, and it lets me try new things.  I don't know what path my career will take, I don't know that I'll stay in Rockingham County or even North Carolina for that matter!  I don't know if I'll stay in the classroom, but I know my heart is in education, and I think it's there to stay.

4. I am my own worst critic. I think this is what I struggle with the most.  I never think what I'm doing is good enough.  Granted, most people probably have a little of this in some way, shape, or form.  Doubt creeps into our lives and likes to hang out and make a little burrow.  Doubt likes to burrow for awhile and pop out anytime I'm doing something I'm not sure of.  I'm working on this, having a little bit more faith in myself.  A work in progress.

5. I am constantly working on having faith and a better relationship with God. I struggle to write this. A confession that, in some ways, really hurts to say aloud.  I have always been upfront with my relationship with God.  I believe that God is a mighty God.  A powerful, loving, healing, and wonderful being.  I have been healed, and I have been hurt by God.  Frustrated and angry.  However, I never stop loving God.  I have never once doubted His grandness in my life.  He is the source of all of my many blessings.  But, I would be lying if I said I haven't been angry or confused by His plan.  I am a type-A kind of gal, and when things don't work out as I think they should, I get upset.  I am building more faith in God's perfect timing.  I think any good relationship takes work, and why shouldn't that include God?

Special Surprise!

During the time I've been writing (here and there) on this blog, I've written many posts on the blessings that are in my life.  I'm happy to post, write, and announce one of the biggest blessings that has ever happened to me!

About 4 months ago, I got an unexpected phone call from my sister.  My sister and I, for the past several years, have been pretty close.  So when I saw that I had missed several of her calls one day, I knew something was up.  When I called her back, she delivered the news that she was expecting a baby!  A baby!!  I get to be an auntie!

I have always wanted to be an aunt.  I have been lucky enough to cuddle all my best friend's nieces and nephews, but haven't been able to call them 'mine'.  Megan is giving me that chance!  I can't wait to spoil him or her, read to him or her, and watch him or her grow.

Little pea in there!

Megan is going to be a such a wonderful mom.  It's going to be an interesting change going from seeing her as my baby sister to becoming a mom.  I have full faith that she will be the absolute best.

I already have a few things picked out for my little sweet pea!!

Baby Stevens is due June 10th, and I'm already counting down the days!

The Inner Kid

"The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old age.  The most beautiful thing in life is that our souls remaining over the places where we once enjoyed ourselves." -Kahil Gibran

I saw a picture of a sign one time that said, "Don't grow up, it's a trap!"  I completely agree!  I have had so many blessings as I've entered this "trap", but sometimes it still feels like I'm stuck in this world that isn't all that fun.  Wouldn't it be so much easier to just sit down with cereal in the morning and wait for our mom's to dress us and then drive us to school?  Now I'm the one in charge and sometimes, well, it's hard!

This weekend I traveled to visit my dear friend Kelly in Raleigh.  We always have a great time together.  We reminisce about high school and college, but we're both teachers, so it's nice to talk about all the frustrations that come with that train ride too.

On Sunday, we decided to take a walk and in her neighborhood there's a small park on the way.  This park is obviously designed for small people, however, when do you get a chance to enjoy a park at 26?!  So, my friends, to entertain me, went with me and for 15 minutes we got to be 5 year old's again.

This was seriously the first time I've been down a slide in probably 2 decades.  Not going to lie, they're kind of scary at 26 years old.

Caro's turn...

Not made for adults...but had to try!

The best part of it was swinging.  I forgot how much freedom comes with the feeling of going up and down in the air.  I wish that I could have that feeling more often.  We get so caught up in a million things that life tends to bog us down, but man, that feeling of freedom, how intoxicating!  I wish I could bottle it up.  Maybe I should just sneak down to the park more often!!

Snow Day

One of my favorite poems has never felt so appropriate for my morning.  We've had some STRANGE weather here in North Carolina over the past few months.  I made the mistake of driving to Greensboro for dinner last night and got caught in the...not to sound melodramatic...BLIZZARD.  It was crazy.  I felt like I was in the opening title of a "Star Wars" movie with all the white specs of sleet and snow coming at me!  None the less, I got back to the house in one piece.  We got "the call" that every teacher loves to get later that night saying that Friday was an "optional teacher workday"....which means, I might opt to get out of bed!  This morning was lovely...and this poem is too :)  The following pics were taken early in the morning outside the house.

"Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening"

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village, though;

He Will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound's the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

Robert Frost

The Year in Review

2012 wasn't all that eventful, but I did have a pretty good year!  I thought I would highlight some of the great stuff with pics! WARNING: PIC OVERLOAD

Started out the year celebrating in Greenville with Case and Caro!  Lots of fun!

Heather brought Colton Samuel into the world!  He has grown so much!

Snuggled a lot with Em and Carrie's new puppies this year!!

Case got accepted into Emory and Kennesaw!  (She decided on KSU!)

Spent time snuggling with Hankford, too!

Had an AWESOME experience with my first student teacher!  I was blessed to find a sweet friend in the process!

Had QUITE the adventure with Caro dog/cat/house-sitting!!

Welcomed Spring!

Spent Spring Break with Hanky Pank in Pickens, SC

Ventured to Atlanta with Case during the latter part of my Spring Break - lots of fun!

Easter '12 with Meg

Spent just a few days in my classroom.  This is my view most days.

Happy Birthday, Linds!

Prom 2012 with sweet students!

Helped Amber address her wedding invitations!

Spent time with God.

Celebrated Memorial Day and a birthday cookout in Raleigh

Leah and I have spent quite a few bdays together being only 12 days apart!

Celebrated a GORGEOUS wedding!  Congrats Amber and William!

Summer fun in Raleigh with the Gay's!

Another wedding celebration!  Congrats Lexie and Stephen!

Girl's weekend in Greenville!

Hanging by the pool with Hank

Pregnant giraffe in Greenville!  

Helped Case move!

I helped Case carry some stuff back to Motown in Mom's car.  Oh - Mom's car doesn't have AC.  This is the "wind-blown" look!

Went back to school and was able to hang the BEAUTIFUL quilt my kiddies made!  Each square was created by them and represents their name.

Happy birthday, Granny!  79 years young :)

Happily snuggling and dogsitting my puppy nephews! 

Ollie and Fritz

Read LOTS of good books this year, but this was probably my favorite!

Spent Labor Day weekend with Case in Atlanta!

Chick-fil-a kick off game!  Go Clemson!

Good eats with Caro!

Good times with Kelly :)

Graded a few papers...

Spent some awesome family time with my cousins and sis!

Happy birthday, Stevie!!  

Durham visit with Amber (and Caro - not pictured)!

GO COUGARS!!  I'm converting Lexie!

Homecoming at RCHS - some of my sweet students back from college!!

NC State Fair!  Great times with great friends!!

Happy birthday Caro (and Em & Carrie)!

Picking out pumpkins!

Carved masterpieces :)

FOUND OUT THAT I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!

Awesome lights in Caswell Co.

Barrier/Roland Christmas House 2012 

The "S" is for Stevie!  She did the pattern herself!  

Mom's side of the family on Christmas

Oh Christmas Tree!

Pat's Christmas Break Tradition 

New Years in Atlanta!

What a great year!  These were all from my phone, but there were so many more I could have put on if I had gone through all my files!!  I hope 2013 is just as much fun :)