I'm quickly approaching the end of my FIFTH year of teacher. Jeez 'o pete, where did the time go? Today, I decided to reminisce and look through old blog posts from my first year of teaching. They had quite the theme of "what the hell am I doing"?
I remember so vividly living at that small apartment in Eden and EVERY SINGLE NIGHT going to bed with fears and worries. I didn't think I'd ever get over feeling like I was failing and not doing this "thing" right. I graded all weekend, had a nervous stomach every morning, and wanted to cry almost every day. But, a magical thing happened towards the end...I got the swing of it. One of the best things about teaching, I think, is the incredible ability to grow.
I was reminded of this when I had a mini-meltdown the other morning (1 of 2 this week) and called my friend, Emily. She's my English Teacher Twin Soul - plus one of my best friends. I frantically told her that I didn't know how I was going to do all of this. How was I going to get these kids really ready for the EOC, how am I really going to teach (and subsequently do a decent job) AP, so on and so forth. There were other things in the list, but you get the picture.
She quickly and calmly told me to take a deep breath and proceeded to go through the list, one by one, and basically got me together. I teared a bit, but she reminded me of the big picture. She said, "Think about where you are and how much you've grown." I was catapulted into realizing the truth. I have made it through 5 years. I am still standing. I do have a small accumulation of "victories".
Holding on to victories, the small and big ones, are what we have to do to get through. Teaching is always going to have the hard days, but if you can look back and feel like you've had those victories, somewhere, somehow, life gets easier. The teaching one at least!
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