Be Still

There is a song by The Fray that touches my soul.  It's titled, "Be Still".  I interpret it talking about God and the faith that we should have in Him.  Here are the lyrics:

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you
And covers you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am

How powerful are those lyrics?  The simplistic quality exuberates the power within the words.  So many times I feel bogged down by my job, life, worry, and fear, but when I hear those words, this simple song, I am filled with hope and remember that God is in control.  

There have been so many times that God has taken care of situations that I thought were just impossible.  He has shown me that I shouldn't worry so much.  Still, it's so hard.  It's hard not to worry about all the little things, so much weight it adds to life.  All we can do is have faith.  As my friend, Em, says all the time, "Let go and let God."

February Books

This year started off with a few re-reads, but February has been full of new (and awesome) reads that have been great.  I am a HUGE book addict.  I see a pretty cover, and I have to pick it up and buy it!  Luckily, all the ones I've picked up lately have been great reads.

I started off the month finishing the "Big Stone Gap" series.  Several years after Adriana Trigiani finished her third book in the series, she revisited and wrote a fourth book, Home to Big Stone Gap.  I didn't read this with the originals, and even though I've had it for a few years, had not read it.  When I decided to re-read the series, it gave me a great excuse to read it!  It actually makes a lot more sense when you read it right after because it picks right back up where the third one finished.  Ave Marie is settling into her life, but still finding adventure everywhere.  It's so crazy how much I identify with this character.  We worry about the same things, we think the same way, and we often have the same life desires.  The book continues with the supporting character's stories as well.  It continues the series and ends it in a nice way.  I would love for Trigiani to write another book for this series!  But, for now, lovely ending!

I couldn't decide what to read next.  I was actually in the middle of another book, but couldn't resist reading the book I chose.  I had heard so many awesome reviews for The Fault in Our Stars, and let me tell you, all were correct.  I COULD NOT put this book down.  It is probably one of the best books I've read in a long time, and trust me, I've read a lot of good books.  I finished it in three days.  I brought it to school and read it  while my student teacher was teaching; I was absolutely hooked.  It is actually a "young adult" book, but John Green, the author, writes in a way that appeals to all ages.  The Fault in Our Stars is about Hazel, a 16 year old girl who has cancer.  Before you think, whoa, I can't read that, I was hesitant and had the same thought, but the amazing thing is how Green portrays Hazel.  She's matter of fact and doesn't feel sorry for herself.  She is so intelligent and has the best dialogue.  She meets Augustus (Gus) in a support group and they instantly bond and form a connection.  The story is about the two of them, finding adventure, and coming to terms with the harsh realities of life.  The most amazing thing about this story is how much you end up falling in love with the characters.  They become your family, your friends, and you can't help but read their story.  I can't recommend this book enough, and I won't lie - it is sad.  However, Green writes in a way that you become so invested in the characters, the cancer isn't the biggest part of the story - they are.  Do yourself a favor and go read this book!

After a pretty "heavy" book, I wanted to read something "light".  Girls in White Dresses was the perfect solution!  I knew I was going to love this book as soon as I started it. It's interesting because it's not a huge plot driven book, rather it's almost like a series of little stories with common elements, themes, and characters.  I loved this because it's so perfect for a girl in her 20's!!  There were so many places that I thought, 'Oh my gosh, that is so true!!'  It follows the characters through the end of college and finding first jobs and places to moving into the latter 20's and seeing friends get married and starting to have babies.  Very light, funny, and thoughtful.  Would definitely recommend to any girl in her 20's!  

Continuing the "light" then "dark/heavy" read pattern, reading Thirteen Reasons Why is a must.  I think any high school teacher should read it, and definitely high school students.  It's a pretty "heavy" book, and has some intense content, meaning there is talk of rape and suicide.  However, it is so life changing.  I have had so many conversations with my students about the power of words and the actions that people provoke.  This book is the perfect example of how that is true.  The novel centers around two protagonists, Hannah and Clay.  Hannah is a student that committed suicide, though people aren't sure why.  Clay receives 7 tapes in the mail with the note to read them.  As he does, he hears Hannah's story and all the people who have been connected through her story.  A powerful read and one that I feel is necessary for all of us to realize how we affect one another.  

Week in Pics - 2/18-2/24

It's almost March!  That is just absolutely crazy.  I went to the mountains after a crazy week at school.  My sister was home, so I got to see her growing belly!  Bonus perk that I felt the baby kick!  I said hello and he or she kicked and moved...it was incredible!  I'm so excited to meet him or her :)  

ACT Review with my high school kids today!  One of my sweet kids left me a post it note message.  Made going to school on a Sunday a little more bearable!!

Meg and Lola

YUM - Banana Pudding Milkshake

3 hour vet visit with Miss Muff.  She had some seizures yesterday, so we took her to the emergency vet in Hickory.  She's on the mend!

Visiting with Katy and Stevie!  Granny and Stevie reading :)

Target shopping with Lexie.  She's holding possible replicas of what could be her future children, haha

Wrapping up my February reads!  This was an incredible read!  I'll post my Feb. books this week!

2 months down!  The year is going by quickly!

Becoming an Auntie

When my sister called and told me that she was pregnant, I was taken aback with a lot of emotions.  It took awhile for it to sink in that I was really going to be an aunt, and more importantly, my little sister is going to be a mom.

I'm not a mother, so I haven't experienced what it's like to have your own child.  However, this is probably as close as I'll get for awhile.  It's hard to believe how much you love a little being that isn't even here yet!  I already want to buy clothes, plan sleepovers, and get special "auntie" things!  I asked my friend, Em, yesterday if that ever goes away, she most assuredly answered with a hearty no!

Seeing all my best friends become aunts has been a magical experience.  My friend, Lindsey, and I are both getting to be aunts really close to each other!  My other friends all have nieces and nephews they dote on, and it's so much fun to see their roles change.  I've been fortunate enough to have my little cousin, Stevie, to love on, so I'm happy that my family gets more little ones to spoil!

My favorite thing I've gotten so far is the "Build-a-Bear" dog.  Megan and I were both given our favorite stuffed animal by our aunt, so I found it only fitting that I needed to get the baby his or her animal!  I tried to make it gender neutral, but I felt like the dog was perfect because Megan has her first big baby, Lois Lane!  I got a matching onesie that says, "I Love My Puppy".  I absolutely can't wait to meet that sweet little baby!!

Meet "Woofy" :)

Week in Pics - 2.17.13

I'm doing this a day early, but you know, when the mood strikes.  My grandmother remarked how quickly the year was going, and I have to agree.  The years seem to move quicker every year.  

Muffy just sits and looks at you until you're finished.  She's the family dishwasher.

 Wonderful night with the Hasty's.  Mrs. Hasty invited me to dinner with several people and her husband, Joe (or Mr. Hasty) got out his guitar and played a bit for us.  Mr. and Mrs. Hasty took a group of us to Spain TEN years ago (I'm getting old!).  Mrs. Hasty showed me our memory book and one of the girls had drawn a pic of the flamenco dancer we saw one night.  Love reminiscing over great memories. 

Also while home...chickens evidently live in the house beside my parents.  Mom says they let them out "to roam" on the weekends.  They were in my parent's driveway!  They let me get right up to them!

Lexie finally found some candy hearts...and a cute Valentine, too!

Got to see sweet Stevie!!

Sweet Ollie!

  I spent Valentine's evening with my dear friends, Em and Carrie.  We watched good tv, ate Panera, and cuddled with the pups!

Instead of giving up something for Lent, I decided to purposefully engage in a devotional.  Really good material and is making me think a lot about my spiritual journey. 

Hope everyone has a great week!

Happy Valentine's (from the single gal)

First of all, can I just say that this is the 12th post for the year?  That's as many as I wrote TOTAL last year! Woohoo!

Today is Valentine's Day, I know you probably didn't get that message on facebook, twitter, instagram, or any other various media outlet.  How can you NOT know it's Vday?  I went to WalMart last night to get some candy for my students - that's right - and it was like an anxiety attack waiting to happen.  All it took was one look at the half empty shelves of red boxed candy or the 50 men nervously picking out "the perfect card" to make me think...ew.

To me, love should be given everyday.  And, it is hard to not have that "special somebody", but you know what, I have a lot of love in my life.  I have a fantastic family, incredible friends, and you know what?  That's all I need.

The radio this morning said not to be sad because you might have someone special next week or next year!  As I rolled my eyes, I thought, "Meh, maybe...but if not, I'll still be okay."

I am from...

I'm experimenting a bit and trying to figure out a lesson.  I saw this really cool journal/poem on Pinterest and thought it would translate into a cool lesson for my students.  At the end of the semester, I plan on reading House on Mango Street.  It's one of my favorites to teach, but I'm always looking for ways to enhance my students' learning.

Where we come from makes up who we are.  We come from a variety of places, just as so many characters in books.  My idea is to first have my students make this poem for them, and then make it for the protagonist.  It got me thinking about what my "I am from" poem would look like.  I think it would go something like this:

I am from foothills and blue mountains

I am from Sunday School and "Jesus Loves You"

I am from woods and exploring and
"don't go too far!"

...from "read all you can" and "do your homework"

...from American Girl, Fear Street, and Babysitter's Club

I am from goodnight stories, runaway bunnies, goodnight moons, and sleepy clowns

I am from Playskool and Big Wheels
...from "The Elephant Song" and "Would You Like to Swing on a Moon"

...from "I believe in you" and "You are more than an average student"

I am from long summer days with mom...exploring creeks, swimming in pools, playing outside 'til it's dark...all that come from having a "teacher" mom

I am from Classic Rock..."who sings this" "did you know that" "he was a great musician"
...from Jimi, Steven, John, Paul, Ringo, and George

I am from imaginary classrooms filled with students eager to learn
...and the world of make believe

...from "tell me a story, Granny" and "sing me a song"
...from froggies that went a courtin' and grandfather clocks

I am from Sunday lunches, a close family, and good food
....creamed corn, mashed taters, homemade bread, chocolate birthday cake

I am from the blue house, at the top of the hill, surrounded by big pine trees, in a house full of love....

Demons

I don't know that this post will ever see the light of day.  For almost a decade I have battled with the demon called depression.  He likes to add his sidekicks anxiety and doubt to make the party really fun.  It was almost 10 years ago that I went to my doctor with all I could take.  Granted, I had just started college, was beyond homesick, and dealing with facing the harsh news that my cousin was losing her battle with cancer.  She prescribed medicine and for awhile it was okay.

Then I thought, nahhh, I don't need this medicine!  I am way stronger than this.  I relapsed quickly.  There were a lot of dark days.  There are still so many dark days.  Days I don't want to get out of bed.  I don't want to face people.  I don't want to put on the happy face.  Some of my closest friends have been with me when I've had a rough night, day, or week.  Tears, anger, and heartache have all been expressed.  But, like warriors in this battle with me, they cling on and never let go.  For that, I will be forever grateful.

Teaching, surprisingly, has helped to heal me a bit.  I think because I keep my mind so focused and busy, I am able to keep the constant pestering thoughts at bay.  I could silence them by planning, grading, researching, and working hard at school.  Finding something I could pore over helped ease the pain that my heart and head had.  For 90 minutes, three times a day, I can be Ms. Barrier, which is sometimes a lot easier than being Coley.

But, like an unwanted visitor, depression doesn't like to stay away forever.  He likes to come back in and kick off his shoes and stay awhile.  He sees that you're laying in bed and decides to bombard your nightly thoughts with, 'Is this person mad at you?'  'You really could have made that lesson better.' 'You call that giving dieting a try?' 'You are going to be alone forever.'  'Your friends will leave you; your family will leave you; they don't need you.'  This is what I hear every.single.night.

Recently, and after a lot of urging from family and friends, I sought another doctor.  I have seen some progress.  I don't want to post this with a reader thinking that I'm melodramatic or just over reacting - trust me, I can be dramatic, ask my friends, but this is something I would never wish on anyone, or be melodramatic about.  Help is out there.  Different people get help in different ways.  Some find relief in talk therapy, others find ease in prescribed medicine, some walking/physical activity.  At the moment, I'm trying (TRYING) all three.  It's such a long road, a frustrating one, too.  A road that is rocky and filled with twists and turns.

I guess I wanted to write this because I have grown.  Years ago when something wasn't working, I'd give up.  I would stop taking my medicine, and try to take matters into my own hands, but I know now that I can't do that.  HUGE step.  I also know that I need counseling.  This is such a long journey, one I'm not proud of.  BUT, help is out there, and I encourage anyone struggling to get the help that is out there, and know that you're not alone.

I also want to thank my family and friends.  My "Garland Girls" have been with me through every single step of the way.  They call me, comfort me, and encourage me. My mom has cried with me, checked in on me, and always, always loved me, when I haven't been all that lovable.  All my other friends and family have helped, too.  You can't feel like you're alone, I have, but I know that I have a team of people behind me, ready to step in, and always ready to catch me when I fall.

Katy's Baby Shower

My cousin, Katy, is due with her second little girl in March.  We're super excited to meet her!  Katy already has one daughter, Stevie, and she has brought such joy to our family!  I'm probably biased, but I think she's the smartest kid I know...and prettiest!

This past Sunday, Katy had a baby shower to prepare for her second bundle of love.  She got a lot of great stuff, and it was crazy to see how tiny some of the clothes were!  It was a lot of fun, and I'm so glad I could be there and celebrate!

Katy and Stevie

I have to share because I thought this was such a great idea - Katy added food coloring to lemons and then froze them over night.  They looked so good in the pink punch!

I thought this was the cutest cake ever!  Katy's sister-in-law made this - precious!

All the goods!

Stevie and her balloons :)

Can't wait to meet Baby Roland #2!!  

Week in Pics - 2/5-2/11

Another week in the history books for 2013.  I can't believe how quickly this year is already flying by.  I was telling my cousin (who is due in a few weeks) that it seemed like her pregnancy has gone by so quickly!  I'm sure she might feel a little differently, haha.  She's been a trooper, and I have another post for her coming up!

I spent the better part of last week trying to get over a sinus infections, which seems to finally be getting better.  Those are nasty little buggers.  I know it could be worse, and I'm thankful I had the good sense to get my flu shot!  Anywho, here was last week....in pics...

I started/finished FOUR books last week!   I finished 2 and am reading the other 2.  I will post more about them at the end of the month, but I've been loving, loving them!!  

GO GET THIS BOOK!!!

Was able to spend some quality family time this past weekend.  Stevie asked Granny to play "that Mary song" (Mary Had a Little Lamb), it was precious!

Queen of the Castle...Muffy

Cutest baby shower cake!!  Katy's sister-in-law made it for her shower!  Will post more pics later!

Good week!  I drove back to school EARLY this morning, and am hoping and praying for a good week!  Saying prayers for all of those affected by the snow up north!!

Week In Pics 1/28/13-2/4/13

Well, hot dog!  I'm on a bloggin' roll!  I was writing a pretty "dark" post, and I decided to put it away and write/post something lighter.  I realized as I was posting all my "year in review" pics, I really should post pics more often.  My friends joke that I'm always the one with the camera (phone or otherwise), so another (jeez o' pete, how many do I have) new resolution is to post pics of my week (super boring, granted).  Playing a little catch up!!

2.4.13 - Home sick today, but have been able to almost finish another book!!

Had to take a pic of this from a book in Target - this is the size of sweet pea!

Also, while in Target, found this, and my OCD/Type A inner cheerleader jumped and did a couple cartwheels!!

TRYING and HOPING to plan a trip to London with my students for the Summer of '14!

Went to PF Changs with my friend Kim and loved my fortune!

Also made a pit stop to Maxie B's....mmmmm...heaven :)

Took this pic on my way to school.  My friend Carrie said it scared her because I am obviously driving in this pic BUT, I was on the road in front of my house and there wasn't any traffic!  Anyway - I loved how beautifully eerie the sky was.

Evidently, all you need is love, cupcakes, and a photobomb from Lexie.

Found this in Target.  Left me just a little speechless.

Bought sweet pea a little outfit!!  "Wild about Auntie"!!  Meg and Kyle aren't finding out the gender, so I'm trying to find gender neutral clothes - not easy.

Well, that was my week.  Hope everyone enjoyed the past week and are off to a great start with this new one :)

January Books

I have made (another) resolution for my new year.  I want to discuss and write about the lovely books I read.  I also made a promise to myself to read more.  Whether it be articles, novels, or whatever, just reading more.  January has proven to be a great start.  I started just a little bit before the new year, but still counting it in January :)

My reading journey into the new year actually began with a re-read.  Occasionally, I like to re-read a book from years ago.  I love to re-visit books to remind myself of why I loved it in the first place.  Several years ago, I can't recall when, I read Adriana Trigiani's Big Stone Gap series.  It's an incredible series about the protagonist Ave Marie Mulligan MacChensey.  She is a strong, yet vulnerable woman, and I love her character.

The first book, Big Stone Gap, is the introduction into the series.  The reader is introduced to the colorful array of characters that fill this book with humor.  I think I love this book because I relate to Ave.  She is older, and still...gasp...single!  She struggles to find happiness with being a woman in this changing world.  She is also dealing with the loss of her mother, and she is finding out secrets kept from her along the way. I adore the characters and the setting of this book.  It isn't too far from home, and it has that mountain feeling that reminds me of my home.  The supporting characters are just as entertaining as the protagonist.  The first book is probably my favorite.  I find myself unable to put it down and was so fascinated by the story.  Even though it was my second time reading this, it was still such a fabulous read.

In the second book, Big Cherry Holler, Ave has married Jack MacChesney - or Jack Mac - and they are raising their daughter, Etta.  Even though they have a seemingly strong marriage, this book brings Ave to question a lot about her life, her marriage, and her faith in family.  Jack and Ave are battling a huge loss and struggle to figure out how to heal and move forward.  Again, the other characters is this book are so rich with humor and love, the reader can't help but fall in love with them as well.  This novel has a lot of soul searching, and I love when a protagonist tries to figure herself (or himself) out.  I love Ave Marie, and she reminds me of myself, especially with how she worries and holds on to things.  This is my favorite quotes from the novel:

"As Alice lets go, so do I.  I let go of my mistakes, the unattainable standards I have for my husband, my daughter, and myself, and my bitterness toward those who hurt me; mostly, I let go of my pride, which I thought had kept me whole but in reality almost ruined me.  I was holding on so tightly to being right, to being perfect.  There is only one lesson in all of this: let go.  And when you think you've let it go completely, let go again." 

The third book in the series is called Milk Glass Moon.  It was originally the last book in the series, but Trigiani has added another book.  It's a lovely book that continues to explore Ave Marie.  This one brings a new set of challenges to the characters.  I love Trigiani's little descriptions of things.  The family goes to Italy (that's where Ave Marie's family is from) and just from reading, I felt like I was there.  She has a beautiful style of writing.  I continue to love the characters and finding out their story lines.  Ave Marie's daughter is growing up and it's interesting to see how she handles the challenges of parenting.  

There is a fourth book in the series, and that is what I'm reading next.  In the midst of these books, I've been reading another book I can't wait to tell you about.  3 (and a half) books down...so, so, so many more to go!