Christmas Wishes!

Lots of Christmas love to everyone!!

If everyone only knew what we had to go through to get a picture for our dear mother...these are diva dogs and do NOT like their picture taken...

Give Thanks

Give thanks 
With a grateful heart...

My last post is a little bit of everything, but a lot of thanks.  I wanted to challenge myself to the days of thanks to realize all the wonderful things that are around me.  I hold a lot of anxiety in my life.  It's easy to get frustrated and bogged down with the hard parts of life, but I need to always remember how much good there is around me.  I really believe that there is good in the world and all around me.  All I have to do is look around at my sweet family or my incredible group of friends.  I see good in the students that despite all odds, come to school and try to learn.  I see good when I see people help for the sake of helping.  They want to be good people because that's how God wants us to live.

Give thanks
To the Holy One...  


For the past month I've had this hymn in my head.  "Give Thanks"  It is one of my favorite hymns.  It's simple and pure.  It's short, but says so much.  Give thanks with a heart that is full of love.  Give thanks with a heart that has so much to be thankful for, it's over run.  Mostly, it makes me realize that all of this would be null and void if it weren't for God.  I am constantly reminded of His love and I know that all my blessings are because of Him.  I don't talk about my relationship with God out loud a lot.  I know that I should, but my hope is that through my actions, I show His love and the Christian that He wants me to be.

And now let the weak say
I am strong
Let the poor say
I am rich
Because of what
The Lord has done
For us
Give thanks...


I leave with a full heart of thanks and blessings.  I am thankful on this day for so much.  For my health, my job, my family, my friends, and the life that God has given me.  It's not always perfect, I am far from perfect, but I am blessed and I am thankful.

Catch Up! A lot of Thanks!

I've neglected the thankful blog for a few days!  I'm playing catch up today as I am enjoying my time at home...that's where I'll begin.

18. Morganton (Home) - I love coming home.  I love the mountains.  I love the way it feels when I turn the bend right as I get into Hickory and see the mountains in the distance.  It's a wonderful feeling.  There's the old cliche that states, "Home is where the heart is", and that is true.  Morganton is where most of my family resides and I know that I can always come and see them there.  It is where I grew up.  It is where I learned lessons.  It is where I will always return.  Morganton is a great place to grow up and I think I only really realized that after I left for college.  It's just the right size and people are generally really nice.  Great little restaurants and hidden treasures.  It's a great place to grow up, to visit, and to call home.

19. Job - As much as I sometimes complain or get frustrated, I am very thankful that I have a job.  In an economy that finds many people jobless, I am fortunate to have a place to go to every morning and work.  More than that, I feel that my job allows me to use the gifts that God has given me to teach students to the best of my ability.  I have been very blessed to teach some extraordinary students and hope that I inspire them as much as they do me.  It might sometimes give me a headache, but it is a blessing.  Most things that we love can bring us a little pain at times!

20.  Second Mom's - I have a wonderful mom (as you'll read at the end of this), she could never in a million years be replaced, but I've also been very blessed to find several 'second mom's' along the way as well.  These ladies have guided me in their own special way.  Mom's can't be around all the time, and if you're lucky, you'll have a few extra to help you out too.  I am very blessed and consider myself very fortunate to have these ladies in my life.  So, Sherry Suttles, Tammy Severt, Spring McKinney, Nancy Hasty, Carolyn Rutledge, Mickie White, and Sylvia Ross, thank you all for being so special and helping me out when I needed you!  I know my birth mommy thanks you too!

21. Megan - My sister, Megan, is a great blessing in my life.  She's funny, kind, and truly one of a kind.  I don't think I was the best sister growing up, actually, I know I wasn't, but when I left for college, everything shifted.  I realized how important family relationships were and I think it was not living in the same house that made me realize that.  Over the past years, our relationship has changed and has become a lot closer.  She knows all my secrets, my past, she understands me in a way that no one ever will.  It is a bond that only sisters have.  She's an incredible person, someone that I know is going to do great things with her life.  I'm proud that I get to say she's my little sister.  I love her and am very thankful for her.

22. Dad - My dad has always been a source of constant love and steady devotion.  I can't describe my dad.  He's one of a kind too.  Most of my family is.  He gave me my passion and love for music.  He taught me how to dip my peanut butter sandwich in tomato soup.  He went to my band concerts.  He always told me good night and I love you.  He's a man of few words, but the words he says have deep meaning.  He's a great man.  I am very thankful for his continuous support and constant love.

23. Mom - My mom is probably the most important person in my life.  She knows me inside and out.  She knew me first.  I don't have children, but I can only imagine that the bond between a mother and her child is one that is one of pure love.  That's how I describe my mom, pure love.  She is a huge supporter in everything in my life.  From the little things like reading a book to me every night when I was a little girl to the big things like helping me pay for college, she's love.  She's warm, funny, kind, would give you the shirt off her back if she knew you needed it.  She's always been there for me, even in my darkest times, she was there.  I know that she always will be.  I love her and am beyond thankful for her.

Sweet Family- Blessings 16 and 17

Granny - My grandmother is one of my favorite people in this world.  She is my only living grandparent and has been since I was 3.  I was never able to meet my other grandmother, she died before I was born.  My grandfathers died when I was 3.  Growing up, I was always kind of sad when I heard other kids talking about all their grandparents, but somehow Granny made up for all that.  She is so amazing!  She is like 4 grandparents in 1.  Even though I would've loved the opportunity to know my other grandparents, she's enough.  She has always been my rock and constant supporter.  She offers love, hugs, smiles, songs, and grilled cheeses.  My cousins, sister, and I used to always stay with her on Saturday nights when we were growing up.  Her house was paradise to me.  When we would get settled into bed, she would sing us a song or tell us a story and it was magical.  One time in college I was particularly homesick and I called her and asked her to sing to me.  She did.  It was awesome.  She still cooks for all the family once a month and you can find her in the kitchen at every holiday getting ready for all of us to come and eat.  My favorite thing about Granny is that she has this incredible amount of love for everyone.  She always wants to give and helps others all the time.  I can't imagine my life without her.  She always tells me, "It'll come out in the wash."  I believe her.  She is one of the biggest blessings in my life and I'm truly, truly thankful for her.

Cousins - I have a normal size family and was fortunate to be able to grow up with my cousins.  On my dad's side, I have Leah and Katy.  Leah and I are 12 days apart and have literally grown up together.  We have played every 'make believe' game imaginable, she's attempted to teach me lots of sports and how to ride a bicycle,  and she makes me laugh like no one else.  Leah is incredibly talented and very down to earth.  We pick up right where we left off whether it's been 1 week or 4 weeks since we've seen each other.  It was great to be able to grow up with someone so close in age.  We were always together and I cherish every memory made with her.  Katy is my other cousin on my dad's side.  She is my sister's age.  Katy is creative and sweet and very much like me.  We have the same quirks and laugh at a lot of the same things.  She is the only person I've ever allowed to highlight my hair!  Katy brought a huge blessing to our family when she had her daughter, Stevie.  Stevie is the sweetest, smartest, most gorgeous kid you'll ever meet!

On my mom's side, I have 2 cousins, though I lost one cousin when I was in college to cancer.  Melissa was an incredible person, she lost her battle to cancer in 2005, though I still remember all the sweet memories I have of her.  Kara is my other cousin and she is hilarious!  I don't get to see her as often as I'd like.  She has a sweet family of her own.  We see each other on holidays and family gatherings and when we can.  I remember wanting to be like Melissa and Kara growing up, they're great people.

                                          Leah and Me back in the day...

                                                 The Barrier Girls...

Family is a wonderful thing.  I'm fortunate to have a great family.  They are sweet blessings in my life!

Thankful 15

Full Circle Moments - Today I am thankful for moments that I am able to see the full circle.  I can see what I was and what I have become.  It's a moment that I can really see how I have grown and what has happened in my life to make me appreciative of all the small moments that make the bigger picture better.  I had two of these moments today and they all culminate to the same idea.  My teaching has made me grow so much as a person. I had the opportunity today to help my administration conduct an interview for one of our positions and then I observed my student teacher teach a lesson.  I remember so vividly each of the times I was in their shoes.  I remember the nerves, the fear, the anxiety.  The first solo lesson and then the interview.  They are scary.  However, from seeing them do those things, I realize how far I've come since that was me.  How much I've grown as a teacher and as a person.  I am grateful for these moments because they shape me and teach me to realize who I am.  They make me thankful for all the people and moments that have helped to shape the person I am today.  They are few and far between, but when full circle moments happen...they're wonderful.

Blessings Abound - 12, 13, and 14

I am behind a few days!  Let me get down to business...

#12 - Old Friends
I am blessed beyond belief to still be friends with 2 girls I've known since I was 5!

Amber was the first person I met in kindergarten!  I walked into Mrs. Hairfield's classroom (after getting lost) and Amber was sitting on the big rug.  We had the same necklace (and she had the matching earrings - so cool!) and the rest was history.  We've been through Glen Alpine, Table Rock, Freedom, and college and post college together.  She's always there and it's amazing to have someone that you can say, "remember that time in elementary school?"  Amber is getting married next June and I am so excited to see her wear her beautiful gown.  Amber is truly beautiful inside and out and I'm so happy that we're still friend TWENTY years later! I look forward to many, many more years!

Courtney (who is my co-author on our other blog) has been my friend since I was four.  We met at church and have been best friends ever since.  Growing up I looked up to her and thought she was the best person ever.  She has never disappointed me in being that.  She still is one of the best people I know.  She is kind, loyal, and wants to heal the world.  She was also the inspiration for ending up at UNCG!  I had the privilege of rooming with Court for a couple years.  We vented, ate, yelled, cried, laughed, shopped, and watched a lot of Criminal Minds.  I loved every minute of it!  She is currently pursuing her master's degree at UPenn and will be a family nurse practitioner very soon!  I love and miss her so very much!

#13 - Sunsets
I have told some people this, but I will share with everyone.  I really believe that God speaks to me through sunsets.  He speaks to me through other means too, but I always feel the closest to him when I look up into the sky and it is an array of brilliantly beautiful colors.  I am always reminded in that moment that He is in control and I need to step back and have faith that everything is going to be okay.  We all need to be reminded of that sometimes.

#14 - Weekends (Especially long ones!)
I LOVE and am so thankful for weekends.  After a long week of teaching, it's all I can do to make it to Friday at 3pm!  I usually try to either do nothing or visit friends/family during the weekend.  I was able to do all three this past weekend because it was a 3 day weekend for me.  I went to Morganton, visited with family, and then went down to visit Casey!  I even made it to a Clemson game (well, down to Clemson to watch the game at a bar)!  Weekends are the best and I try to never take them for granted!

10 and 11 - Kelly and Linds

Ending the week of best friends, I am thankful for my sweet friends, Kelly and Lindsey.

Kelly - I have always said that everyone needs a Kelly in their life.  They really do.  She is a bright burst of energy and love anytime you need it.  She fills the room with light and laughter.  You just can't be sad when she's around!  Kelly and I met in high school, though I've always told her that I wanted to be friends with her so bad in middle school!  I'm glad we finally did meet up because life is better when she's around.  My favorite memories with Kelly always involve the beach.  We went to the beach one time in college and (even though we were at least 20) had a full fledged sand fight.  We emerged from the ocean and beach full of sand and laughs.  She'll always cheer you up with a funny story or hold your hand when you're crying and upset.  I had the privilege of being her maid of honor and I loved the experience of being there for her on the 'big day'.  Her husband Matt is our original "Garland Guy" and he is always so amazingly kind to all of us.  I love them both dearly.  Thankful I am for a friend like Kelly Gay.  (The pic below pretty much sums our friendship)

Linds - Lindsey Leigh.  My sweet, sweet friend.  I told someone the other night that you can't be in Lindsey's presence without feeling loved and blessed.  She's one of the kindest, most genuine people I've ever met.  She is lovely, honest, and true.  Linds always calls to check in and make sure you're doing okay.  She'll listen and advise and offer her truest wisdom.  She also has a hilarious side too.  We always laugh and joke and have fun when we're together.  Linds and I were able to become closer though going to the same college.  Many road trips, late nights, flat tires, and college assignments later, we made it to the other side, still together.  Lindsey is also (in my opinion) brilliant!  Very smart and motivated.  She has completed (almost) 2 marathons, grad school, a wedding, and lots of other impressive things :)  I'm happy she's in my life because she always makes me happy.  Love you Lindsey Leigh!

So happy you girls are in my life!  You two are kind, inspirational, and so supportive!!  Love y'all!

Blessings 8 and 9

Continuing the best friend week (and since I forgot to blog yesterday), today's post is about 2 very special people.  Caro and Case, today I salute you!

Caro - I have been fortunate to know Caro technically since I was four, but fate was kind and put us in beautiful red marching band outfits when we were sophomores and the rest is history.  10 years ago, Caro and I became best friends, and I really can't imagine my life without her.  She's my therapist, my rock, and the person that tells me the 'how it is'.  She's brave.  She takes risks.  She will truly change the world, I have no doubts about that.  She has this infectious laughter that always makes me smile. I admire her because she's not afraid to say what she thinks and she loves unconditionally. We have survived babysitting, 8 hour drive to Bham, high school, college, living several states apart, and becoming adults.  Everyone needs a Caro in their life.  I'm certainly glad she's in mine!

Case - When people find out that Case and I have only known each other since our senior year of high school, they're usually surprised.  We have a deep bond that makes it feel like we've known each other for much longer.  In the years we've been best friends, we've experienced a lot!  We've traveled together (Cali, Nashville, Charleston, the beach x 20), I had the privilege of being her maid of honor, and we've helped each other with tons of 'life problems'.  I admire Case because she's not afraid of risks, she is currently going back to school to pursue a nursing degree and I'm so proud of her!!  She's incredibly kind.  She loves her friends and family (and puppies!) with all her heart.  She'll sing and dance and make you smile (we're pretty sure we're going to be famous one day).  I'm so thankful that we did find each other and that she's in my life!

I'm so thankful for you girls.  You both are so incredibly special to me.  Thank you for putting up with me.  Love you both!

Twice Blessed (Thankful #7)

I've decided to dedicate this week's 'thankful' days to 6 of my best friends.  It's only appropriate to dedicate today to the birthday girls!  

Day 7 - Em and Carrie

Em - My English soul mate.  Former roomie.  Confidant.  Keeper of secrets.  Incredible writer.  Em is one of the best people you'll ever meet.  She has this warmth and love that encompasses everyone that she loves.  She is one of those people I call when I'm down and she'll talk me into seeing how wonderful life is.  She is crazy talented and I wish I could be a student in her English class!  Whether it be a birthday card or a longer composition, the way she writes always leaves me breathless and awestruck.  The thing I love about Em is that she can be so funny, but then have a deep conversation with you.  She always wraps me in hugs and lets me know that she loves me.  I am beyond thankful for her!

Carrie - Music soul mate.  Former roomie.  Lover of laughs.  Holder of strength.  Carrie has this incredible smile and laugh.  You can't help but be happy when you're with her.  I always look to her for a beacon of strength and hope, she never lets me down.  We share the same love for great music.  Every time we're together we'll always ask the other, have you heard this?  Do you have that?  She loves with all her heart and takes on the world with incredible grace.  I admire her faith in God and her love for her family and friends.  She'll pull out a picture of her niece, Ellie, in a heartbeat (Em will too).  My favorite memories (there are a ton) always involve dancing, car trips, singing, and trying (key word) to cook.  I am beyond thankful for her as well!

I hope you both had a fabulous birthday!  You have both blessed my life more than you'll ever know!!

Thankful 4, 5, and 6!

Books -
This is coming off of yesterday when I said that I was in a reading funk!  None the less, every single day I get to teach and incorporate books into my classroom, I am thankful for the gift of reading.  People take for granted that they are able to read the words that are on this page.  I have always said one of the best things my mom ever did for me was reading to me every day when I was little.  Such a seemingly small gesture has made me the person I am.  When I read a book, I am in another place.  I can identify, I can point and think, yes, this is how I feel!  I can transform, absorb, love.  Even in a 'reading funk', I still always have a book by my bed, and I'm fortunate that my job allows me to be a constant reader.  One of my favorite things in my classroom is to read to my students and ask them their thoughts.  I look forward to the day that I can decorate my forever house and have my very own big library filled to the brim with books!!  The first thing I will do as a mom is read to my child and I hope I instill the love of reading to my future offspring!  So, I'm thankful for books, for reading, and most importantly, I'm thankful my mom filled my childhood room with books and gave me my love for reading.

Sweet Students -
I have had lots of ups and downs in the classroom.  I've said before that this has been one of the toughest years that I've had in teaching.  Lots of frustration and confusion.  However, every single time I have been curious as to why I stick around, I think about the sweet students that have affected me.  One particular day this semester, somewhat at my wits ends, I made a list.  I listed all the students that had made an impact on me.  Then I thought of my most frustrating students.  The latter list didn't hold a candle to the first one.  I have far more students that have been a blessing than a curse!  These students check in, protect, smile, write sweet notes, and genuinely make me feel I've made a difference. I remind myself (I've done it a lot this year) of these students and why I chose to do what I do.  Teachers certainly aren't shown appreciation in pay...but, I suspect that we do it for our kids.  I know I was affected by teachers, so to pay them back, I will try to teach my best for the students that learn from me.  I'm thankful for each student that I've taught that has made me feel appreciated and loved.

Teachers -
As mentioned before, I have been affected by the teachers that I've had.  I wrote a post about how much I will always adore my educators.  I still call Mrs. McKinney for advice and help.  Every time I plan a lesson or grade a paper I have a stronger appreciation for all of the teachers I had growing up.  I am even more thankful for the current 'teachers' I have.  Carolyn and Heather are two of my current 'teachers' I teach with that continue to educate me on how to be a great teacher.  If you're reading this, go thank a teacher, trust me, they'll appreciate it more than you know!

Thankful

I have neglected my blog...again.  I don't know why it is so hard for me to find consistency within the world of blogging.  This has been, without a doubt, the busiest school year I have ever had.  So, I could blame my lack of blogs on that...we'll go with that!  I feel like I've been in a tailspin.  I've been confused and lost and not sure of where to go or what to do.  The quarter-life crisis hasn't quite made it out of my system.

I was on the phone with my friend, Linds, the other night and as I was talking to her, I realized something.  As crazy as my school/professional life has been, my friends and family have been such a constant in my life.  They have been my rocks.  The ones I turn to, cry to, ramble on to...they've been there.  All this made me realize that I do, indeed, have a lot to be thankful for.  Since this is the month of thankfulness...I thought I could blog about it.  It'll also give me more of a focus for writing, something I for sure need.  I've stolen this idea from a few friends on facebook, but I think it's great.  Express why you're so thankful, cause as crazy as it gets, life has much in it to be thankful for.  My blessings are abound.  They are plentiful and many.

I figure some posts will have a few, some will be focused, some will be short, and some long.  But, I hope that through this I will be reminded of the blessed life I live.  I get so down and frustrated with things that it's hard to see through it to the light. The light is what keeps me going.  Even the darkest times, the times when I don't think there is any light to be seen, there are people and things that offer that.  I hope to convey that through this next series of posts.

So, shall we begin?

I'm a little behind, so we'll start BROAD with 3 things I am currently thankful for...

1. Music - I should make this it's own post.  I am currently in a book funk...shocking, I'm an English major and teacher!  I've just been in a lull...but, I have been a music JUNKIE!  There have been so many good albums and songs that have just been released.  Music is very healing and therapeutic for me.  It brings me up when I'm down.  It brings me inspiration.  It beings me life.  I'm currently in LOVE with music source called Spotify.  You can download it and then listen to THOUSANDS of songs for free (and whole albums!).  So when you're on a teacher's budget like me, but love good music, it's AWESOME!  My new favorite albums currently in rotation are: Kelly Clarkson's new cd (Stronger), Lady Antebellum's latest album (Own the Night), Miranda Lambert's new cd (Four the Record) - also dig the play on words - and Coldplay's new cd (Mylo Xyloto).  I recommend all.  And I definitely recommend Spotify.  Amazing.

2. Fall Weather - You can ask any of my friends, I am NOT a cold weather fan, but I do love fall.  I love getting out blankets, driving and seeing the beautiful trees, and the smell in the air.  I treasure this time in season, so peaceful and nice.

3. Daily Devotionals - Sometime last year my friend, Caroline, introduced me to a daily devotional called "Stillspeaking Devotional".  It comes to my e-mail every morning and I try to read it before I start teaching.  Some days it is like God inspired the writer to write something that speaks just for me.  They are wonderful ways to start the day and take a minute to just sit back and reflect with God.  I definitely recommend it.

Those are three things I am currently thankful for.  I didn't want to get too 'deep' on the first post.  More to come.

CB

Stop This Train

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

~John Mayer

I remember the first time I heard this song.  I think I was a junior in college (I might have been a sophomore…I’ve slept since then), I stopped, played the song again, and thought, yes…that’s it!  That’s how I’ve felt for the past almost 10 years.  Granted, at some points of the past decade I’ve sighed a breathe of relief when the train has just traveled on and moved, but there have been so many times where I have just wanted to stop the train.

Wouldn’t life be so sweet if we had a pause button?  If when I wanted to, I could just snap my fingers and relish in the moment of life that was before me?  There were many times I was in college and I just wanted to say, “Wait!!  Hold on, I just want to stay here!” I guess that’s the thing about life…we can’t.  We’re just along for the ride and we have to take the snapshots while the moment presents itself.

This past school year has been one that is very bittersweet.  2 of my closest school friends have decided that this is their last semester at RCHS.  It would be a huge understatement to say that I will be lost without them.  Heather and Carolyn have been my lifesavers and my confidants for 3 years.  I remember so clearly the 2^nd day of my first year and making it into school, but breaking down in tears right before first period.  Carolyn rushed to my side and gave me a study guide to give the students and then Heather sat down with me during planning and mapped out what would ultimately become my English II curriculum.  They are 2 of the best teachers I have ever been in contact with.  Their love for literature and students is evident in every class they teach.  Carolyn is like a second mom to me, helping me, taking me in under her wing, and slowly making me a stronger and more independent teacher.  Heather has become my big sister.  She has guided me and stood by my side when I have been lost. 

So I hope that you can see why I want to stop this train.  I want to embrace this time and hold onto it a little bit longer.  The opportunities they have before them are tremendous and I am so amazingly happy for both of them!  It is a very, very bittersweet time.  Happiness is overflowing, but my heart is sad too.  They have been my “rocks” at Rockingham and I’m still trying to figure out what my ‘school life’ will be like without them.

Life doesn’t give us a pause button.  Unfortunately we can’t ‘stop the train’.  Life goes on and provides us with the experience we need to take the next step.  Every step in my journey leads me to my next one.  I know that Carolyn and Heather have helped to pave the road in my teaching life and have also helped me in my personal life as well. 

The train keeps on moving, but the good thing is, we can take the people, memories, pictures, stories, and experiences with us.  The station might not stop very often, but we have to enjoy the ride.  Just enjoy the ride.  Learn from the scenery.  Take pictures in our hearts of the ones that have made it better.

Changes in Life

“What do I do when my love is away.
(Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad because you're on your own)
No, I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm, get high with a little help from my friends,
Mmm, gonna to try with a little help from my friends”

~”With a Little Help from my Friends” – The Beatles

For the 6^th time in 7 years, I’m moving. I think that at this point I qualify for gypsy status. This is what is supposed to happen in your late teens/twenties, right?! I’m packing up and moving out of my little apartment in Greensboro that I share with my dear friend Courtney. I’m heading out to the country and moving in with my other dear friend, Courtney. Change, change, it’s an inevitable cycle.

The ONLY thing I like about the process of moving is that it gives me the opportunity to go through things that I thought I had misplaced somewhere in that last move. It also reminds me of my hoarder like status on keeping some things. Every time I move I go through a ‘cleansing’ process and try to get rid of things I don’t need. Upon going through things, I found a stash of cards and memories that brought tears to my already emotional eyes.

I found cards from different people, at different times, for different occasions, all different, all special. It reminded me of all the people that are constant in my life. It reminded me that when I get in the boxing ring of life and the obstacle is thrown in there with me, I always have someone in my corner backing me up, cheering me on, and telling me that they’re with me.

When I was dealing with leaving for college, there were cards saying that I could make it. When I was reeling from the death of a close family member, there were cards with encouraging and sympathetic words. There were cards with birthday wishes, graduation wishes, and just all around well wishes! If someone were to see the stash, they would surely think that I might be crazy for keeping so many cards, but they represent devoted friendships that have lasted for years.

Change is something that I don’t deal well with. Though I’m excited for the move and what it brings, there is a little bit of sadness with leaving Greensboro. With any change, it’s always bittersweet. I know though that there are people there with supportive love…and that’s what makes all the difference.

What They Don't Teach You

I’ve been in some form of education for 20 years. I mean, if we want to go back to pre-school we can tack on a couple more years. Education has in some way has become a central part of my life. Even during my summers, some part of my brain is back in the classroom. It’s my second home. We don’t always love home…but it is just that, home.

However, there are some things that education didn’t teach me. In all my years of experience, college, education, practice, teaching, and internships…some questions were left unanswered. What? You spend all that time and money and you don’t have questions answered?! What the crap?

What am I suppose to tell the kid that comes from a bad home situation?

What do I do when the copier won’t work and you have to print a test for 3 classes?

How are you suppose to keep a smile on your face when all you really want to do is scream at the top of your lungs.

There are times and moments I love what I do. Explaining a poem that my students finally “get”. Helping a student edit an essay. Watching a student I had forever ago graduate and make it to the next step in life. Seeing a student cheer and look up from the field and smile big because they know you’re supporting them. Advising a student to do the right thing. Reading a novel that speaks not only to me, but to them. Laughing with co-workers. Helping a colleague when they need something. I love that I am able to help. I love that I am able to encourage. I love that I am needed. I love my job for these reasons.

There are moments I don’t like my job. Moments like when I’m frustrated that my students don’t understand a concept because I don’t completely understand the concept myself. When a student doesn’t listen to me. When a student has such apathy that no matter what the motivation or how long I try to work with them…they just don’t care. How do you make them care? When you are underpaid, have other issues in your (heaven forbid) personal life.

No one ever said this would be easy. No one ever told me that this would be a dream job. I certainly didn’t get into this job for the money or respect. It’s a tough time to be in education. It’s hard to be a teacher right now. I can’t say I don’t love it. There is a part of me that can’t see me doing anything else. I define myself sometimes by being a teacher. But, it’s hard. It’s really hard sometimes. Some days I would like to find something new to do. I would like to run away and become an actress that is loved, adored, and paid tons of money. But I’m not. I’m not going to be.

So we make do with the cards that are dealt to us. I try to find the good in what I do…even though it’s sometimes hard. I look to the students that do care and that do appreciate my hard work. I do this for the students that will take my class with them after graduation. I do it to put the smile on their faces when I do something goofy. I do it to see that light bulb go off. I’m just going to try to remind myself of all those things when I am frustrated like I will inevitably will be some days. There is a reason I am here.

Reflections on the Third Year

As I sit down to write this yearly reflection, I’m reminded of a quote that I love. It was written by one of my favorite authors, Ralph Waldo Emerson. I love his simple outlook on the world. He constantly encourages people to live a simpler, yet fuller life. The quote says, “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it well and serenely…” This sums up my third year perfectly.

It’s hard to believe that three years ago I was in a state of pure panic. I was frustrated and scared. I, by this time, had interviewed for a couple schools, sent out what seemed like 50 other resumes, and hadn’t heard anything. I was battling the frustration and not doing a very good job at it. It was also around this time that Mrs. McKinney gave me the nudge to put myself out there. I did, and by the end of June, I would have my job at Rockingham Co. High School.

I left the interview not thinking I had gotten the job. I didn’t think the principal that had interviewed me was impressed and even though he gave me a mini-tour of the building, I left thinking, “Well, at least it was good practice!” About a week later I was offered the job.

Three years, in some ways, has flown by. I hardly remember that interview, I hardly remember the summer of preparation. I remember the fear and anxiety, but specific moments fail me. Starting the job, however, was a different story. I remember everything. I remember the fear, the worry, and the panic. But, I also remember being done with my first year and being more proud of myself than I had been even graduating from college!

And here we are three years later. The reason I started this entry with the Emerson quote is because the past three years I’ve had some moments when I know I’ve taught kids well. But, I’ve also had moments where I knew I could’ve done better and I knew I could’ve done the lesson differently. Teachers can’t dwell on those moments. We finish the day. We have to be done with it. Though I’m finished with the year and I know there are tons of things I could’ve done different, some ‘blunders and absurdities’ most definitely ‘crept in’, but I’m finished with it and I have to move on. Next year is a new year and I will just try to work harder to fix mistakes I have made.

This year I taught all four English levels. I taught freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and seniors. I saw sweet, little freshmen come in and I also saw my juniors mature into seniors. I taught the EOC. I graded what seemed like 3,344 research papers. I organized, technoligized (I know that’s not a word, but trust me, it should be), I learned new things, and I tried to take everything in.

Most importantly, I got to see my students grow. The students that are getting ready to become seniors were just coming in as freshmen when I was coming into my first year of teaching. I feel like we’ve grown together. We’ve finally made it to what seems to be a very established setting in our lives. I’m so proud of them, I already have mixed emotions about when they walk across that stage next year. I also, for what feels like the true first time, got to really mentor and advise a couple students. Develop a bond that I know Mrs. McKinney must have felt when I was in high school. I know that when these girls leave, I will still keep in touch and want to know what is going on. I am so sad, and yet so proud to see them move on.

I love my job on most days. I love my school on most days. But, I can’t lie and say I haven’t wanted to just up and leave. I have felt more frustration this year than I ever did my first or second year, I think that must be expected. But, again, like Emerson said…I taught, and I must move on. I will move on to my next year with new challenges and changes and welcome them anew.

Hello, summer…I’ve missed you.

Quarter Down

I’m turning 25 in a couple of days. I never dread birthdays, in fact, usually I embrace them. My best friends will be the first people to say how much I adore my birthday. Why wouldn’t a person? It’s a day to celebrate you! However, this birthday, for some reason, meant something bigger. 25 sounds like such a grown up age. I sat down for lunch today with my mentor and friend, Angela, and I was telling her about my fears about turning the big 2-5. She agreed that it was a big number. No more juvenile moves. It’s a legit number. I was beginning to feel a little anxious about it.

I think some of my friends just took it as nerves mixed with me being my usual melodramatic self (if I could only get on Broadway and work this out), but I really was starting to feel a little nervous about it all. I then did what all people in this day and age do when they’re curious about something…I wikipedia’ed it! In my results I found out that I did have the classic symptoms of a ‘quarter life crisis’. If you’re curious about the symptoms, you can search them, but they fit, not all…but a lot.

When I discussed this with my friend Caroline, she explained to me that to even have a quarter life crisis meant that I was somewhat established in my life. I have a status to question and reason to ponder. Not all “almost” 25 year olds have this. I am fortunate to have held a job for 3 years. That’s quite a miracle. It was during all this I had several moments of clarity. Turning 25 is such a beautiful thing, not something to be freaked out about.

Looking back a decade, I’ve graduated high school, college, celebrated being a teacher for 3 years. I’ve lived by myself, moved back to a city, I’ve made life-long friends. In the past several years I’ve made major milestones. Milestones I can be proud of. I think, though, that I always imagined something more. A little part of me imagined that I would have been in a relationship by now, I would be completely happy at where I am, but these things haven’t happened quite yet. However, these are all exciting things to look forward to. I’m still growing even though I’m officially a ‘grown up’. 10 years ago I knew I’d be a teacher, I’d be somewhere in life, and in those respects…I have been successful.

I guess that the big 2-5 isn’t anything too crazy. It’s a nice number. Quarter down, a couple more (I hope) to go. I look forward to the next 25. I hope to live even more and make more memories.

I leave you with a picture from long ago. I think this was my 2nd birthday. What would I tell this little girl? Never grow up? Nah, but I would tell her to enjoy every moment of growing. Take the time to grow and learn from everyone and everything around you. Take more pictures, opportunities to travel, and fall asleep in Nana’s lap a few more times. I would tell her to dream big and be happy. Just be happy.

My Brother's Keeper

When I was reading my devotional today, the scripture was Philippians 1:1-11. It states, "I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for you." When I pray every night, it's almost gotten into a chant-like prayer because I pray for some people in every single prayer. Of course, with every night there are new additions, but without hesitation, I always ask God to watch over my family and friends.

I'm writing all of this because this past week at school I've talked with teachers and witnessed some students that have really bad situations. Home life is rough, no support, living on their own, bad backgrounds, I'm sure you understand. I see this and have seen this since I began teaching. My county has some poor spots, economically, students come from a range of backgrounds. Some students have situations where they don't have anywhere to go.

As I was praying the other night I had a profound moment of blessing and felt humbled. How fortunate am I to have so many people to pray for? I don't know what it is to be turned away from a home. I don't know what it is to not have any friends. I wouldn't know what to do if I were in a situation like that. Even in my 'new home' in Rockingham County, I know that I have people to turn to. What would it be like to not have this?

I remember my mom becoming so attached to some of her students. Many of them didn't have a steady home. Some were in foster care or at a group home. I couldn't understand why she felt so devoted to these kids. She already had 2, why did she feel the need to take on more? But, I think she knew how important it was to show these students and kids what is was like to have a home. She always taught me that I was no better than anyone else on this Earth and I needed to take care of other people. I take that with me when I teach.

Therefore, my prayers have evolved. Though I feel so blessed to have people to pray for and know that there are people that pray for me, I open up my blessings and prayers to those who don't. My students that need a maternal figure. Even if it's just for 90 minutes. I try to emulate my mom and all that she has taught me about life. Take care of others. Be not only your sister's keeper (literally), but your brother's keeper. It isn't the easiest thing for us to do, but it's the best thing.

Paradise

I wish I was better at this blog thing. Honestly, I just don't think that my life is that interesting. I have moments where I think about things or have fun at events and think, 'Ah! I need to blog this!'...but, that's about as far as it goes. I teach...I sleep...and repeat, haha. There is a good...ahem...wonderful thing coming up, I'm going to my favorite place on earth.

Cape Hatteras entered my life at the young age of 3...maybe even before. There are pictures of a very cute little Coley sporting a bikini (prob for the first and last time in my life) on the steps in the sand with the famous lighthouse in the distance. According to my parents, they wanted to take a little vacation and that's where they ended up. Shortly after it became an annual vacation with family and friends. There are pictures of my cousin Leah and me playing in the sand and smiling with our buckets. One trip, my mom and aunt were pregnant with Megan and Katy (respectively) and somehow the truck got stuck while driving on the beach...Granny ended shoveling sand from the tires with Leah and my little kiddie shovels. I mean, that memory alone is priceless. There are so many more memories that take me back to that beautiful piece of heaven.

Cape Hatteras also holds a special place in my heart because it gave me peace when I needed it most. A couple months after my cousin Melissa died, my family took one of our last trips to Hatteras. It had been a rough couple of months for my family. Lots of changes, tears, and grief that I hadn't quite come to terms with. I was angry at God for letting this happen. I was angry at myself for not being able to deal with it. I had just finished my first year of college and it was one that was really rough. Basically...I was lost. The good news was that I had come home.

While spending our week at the beach, I snuck off for a walk. I took the walk in hopes that I could catch the sunset over the sound. Truly one of the most beautiful sights in the world. I made it to the sound just in time. I found a spot and just sat and watched it. The sky turned into an array of magical colors. Oranges, purples, pinks, and yellows swirled together to make a sky that only God could create. That's when it hit me. A God that can make such a beautiful sky, that could create babies, bless my life with wonderful family and friends has to know what He's doing. Even when I don't understand it (and rarely I do), He knows what He's doing it.

It would take another year or two to have complete peace with the situation, but that was the first huge step. I had felt peace and I savored it. Ever since, Cape Hatteras represents peace to me. I love it. It is a place where I can truly be myself and have complete harmony with the world.

Earlier this month my mom asked if I wanted to spend a few days on the coast over Spring Break. It was a complete spontaneous trip, and usually I don't like things like that, but when Hatteras is in the cards, I will always be up for it.

I hear the waves and seagulls calling...I can't wait.

This is a fitting date to publish this post. 6 years ago today (as I put this on here on 4-14-11), I lost my cousin, Melissa, to cancer. She was a beautiful person with a beautiful spirit. I remember her in the best way, in my mind I am a little girl in her wedding, and she is happy and smiling. I think that's how she would want it, so that is how I choose to remember her. Miss you Melissa.

Update on Life

Well I have really let the blog go! Besides uber random stories that happen every once and awhile, I never think about writing. …Or I do, but I think too much about it. I want it to be this elaborate post that encompasses everything in my life in beautiful words. Well precious…that just isn’t happenin’ at the moment!

Let’s just call a spade a spade and say I’ve been a slacker to the 10^th degree! So let me get you caught up! Last semester (cause my years go by school semesters…) was pretty hectic! Besides teaching a new grade level, 2 of my best friends got married!! I was pretty busy there for awhile.Case got married in October and Linds got married in December. Both of the weddings were beautiful and I am so thrilled that they have been able to start such an important part of their lives. I also feel blessed that they allowed me to be apart of it.

In the middle of showers, bachelorette parties, dress fittings, and lots of laughter, I also took on a new grade level. At this moment in time…I have taught all 4 grade levels of high school in 3 years! I’m glad to have them all under my belt, but it also caused a little bit of anxiety and frustration. I survived though and made it though. This semester I’m back to the basics and teaching my two loves: World Lit (English II) and American Lit (English III). Classes are either way talkative or not at all. Finding the balance and learning all my new kids is what is currently on the agenda.

I took some time to travel to see all my friends last semester. Trips to Raleigh, Greenville, Winston, and of course Morganton. While in Morganton in September, I got to visit with my cousin Katy and her daughter Stevie. They were home for a week visiting and I adored catching up and seeing them. Even better, now I have Skype and can video chat with them! Ahh technology :)

I’ll end with some pics and a hopeful wish that’ll I’ll keep more in touch with the blog world. I’m absolutely captivated by other people’s blogs and have a whole list! I need to stop reading and write some more...

For whatever reason, I already put my pics of Case's

wedding on a flashkey and took them off my computer :(

So until I get some (and I have about 400) pics, I'll leave you with

a pic from our GG shower! It was a wonderful day with

sweet friends and beautiful scenery :)

Beautiful Linds on her wedding day!

The Barrier Cousins enjoying a cookout for Stevie's 2nd birthday

Sweet Stevie :)